Thursday, September 07, 2006

Iraq is Dead: A Snapshot of a week in hell

THURSDAY : (Entering Baghdad)
I left Amman in a nice sunny day, booked my flight - boarded my plane, the flight took an hour and a little more, everything went so smoothly, but the minute I stepped down of the plane I was immeidately whipped on the head by the unmistakable stench of Iraqi heat - a mixture of scroching hot sun, a rotten humid underscore that makes you want to grab the razors and even more scorching heat - It hit unapologetically and very buddy-like, and I immediately secretly wished that I would never be here.
and hereby begins the mockery of Iraqi Airport System.
half-hour long passport queues, messy customs, and my taxi driver gets sick of waiting and bails. I was expecting it, but it's never really the same except once you live it.
After another half-hour of fighting over taxis, which culminated in a second fight after we got the taxi because I rode with two dudes I don't know who happened to go to the same place (see how desperate) who refused to tip the taxidriver, ergo, of course, no taxi ever goes to the inside of Adhamiya anymore so he dropped me off at Nidaa mosque, the nearest placemark.
On the way, I took a glimpse of the forlorn streets of Baghdad, it was actually better than I expected, as the half-empty streets contained fragments of human presence every now and then, and the streets were busy and hectic - but I was told that this was because of the fact that it was Thursday, last day of the week.
I reached home, after a customary kiss-and-tell, the electricity went off. the generator was out of fuel so I had to refill from a half-filled 20-liters can, oh well, here we begin.

FRIDAY: I woke up, washed, dressed, then hit the mosque prayer, Friday was a curfew so nobody went by car, and since I went a bit late the street was empty, but not that EMPTY! it was desolate, like some scene from a Western movie. For the first time since I don't remember, the mosque wasn't filled to the brim...I actually managed to pray inside the mosque's actual building and not the courtyard, a first in god-knows-when. and I actually managed to listen to the speech this time!
When I got back home, Grandma Ta'iffiya already let loose of the friendly gossip of the latest death casualities on the civillian war front, check this sadly tragic story: A poor boy merchant who sells groceries is killed at the mostly Shi'ite district of Kamm, the grocery market on the outskirts of Adhamiya, while heading to the cemetery, the van has a tragic accident and the uncle dies, a week later, another son is kidnapped then killed, naturally. They make it to the cemetery this time, but the father looks upon the three tombs and then falls flat on top of them lifeless out of misery and shame, the mother, hearing this, goes into semi-paralysis and is still at the hospital.

This story alone is worth a post by itself, it is stories like these that make me curse our glorious nation indefinitely and take out an AK-47 and just kill about everyone in sight.

Disgusted with it all, I pretend to read for my upcoming final exam - which is a week soon.

SATURDAY: American vehicles have been passing sparodically at noon from our relatively uninteresting street. I spend the day refilling our two generators and buying fuel from a home-delivery gasoline dude. We buy 65 liters for 60 I.D.
At night, a bullet flies out of nowhere and breaks the lower glass pane in Grandparents' living room; triggering a plethora of jumping and squealing before start a body count and find out everyone's all right.

SUNDAY: I spend the day re-arranging Grandparents living room furniture, with the beds AWAY from the window as possible. American activity outside is increasing while I hear rumors of a crackdown tomorrow.
On a more cheery note, I finally have a pretext for walking half-naked around the house, which is something I couldn't do in normal-hot Amman and with five guys around in a small appartment, yay!

MONDAY: American soldiers close down the street and proceed to search an entire side of the streets while totally neglecting the other side (our side), this is apparently the case on all streets. They get into a house for like 10 minutes, stare around, ask about weapons, then put a small flag on your front door and go to the next house.

TUESDAY: I wake up, go to the kitchen, and before you know it, just when I leave the kitchen, the house is filled with born-and-bred Star-spangled Americans, along with four usual dirty policemen, they spend a confused two minutes at the living room, while two or three search the nearby rooms, a policeman tries to touch my guitar, while another US soldier finds out a book about CIA and gets unreasonably excited. They find out that Gpa was military ambassador at the US in the 50s and go nuts. when asked for weapons, Gpa whips out his 1950s revolver, they shrug and write no guns; we've already hid all the other weapons somewhere nice.
5 minutes after they leave, I dress in prepartaion for going to college, to find out that my mobile was stolen!
Apparently, one of the police commanders stole it while I wasn't looking - my phone looks very fancy (a Siemens X, called in Iraq the Scissors cuz of its extra keyboard and the way it folds) but is actually dirt cheap, anyway, I tried calling it but to no avail.
Tried going to college but after a very sweaty 15 minutes of walking I am sent back home by a nervous national guard who stops me halfway through the street.
Damn.

WEDENSDAY: I call my phone, a man with a very crude southern accent picks up after several rings and tell me not to call again or he will 'tear my ass'. Later that day, during a series of prank-calls in which we lost it a little, a neighbor calls up my number and tells the nice policeman that we have known all about him and his unit number and we will not rest until we fry onions on his bare naked bottom. I mimicked sounds of a US soldier in the back, the guy was as silent and nice as little girl on her first day of primary school.
Anyway, it was still not worth the trouble of tracking him down, although Adhamiya residents in general enjoy any clash with the Police commanders, so I called the mobile company and had the SIM card deactivated.
Electricity has been absent for 10 days.
------------------------------

Life in the past week has made me confirm many deductions which I have wished to God that will not come true, From the moment I felt the harsh, cruel wind slap me like an angry mother punishing her child for being so late to come home to the moment I am writing these words to you in a small net cafe which is the only shop open in a dark, scary street with no cars and small nearby children playing football, a once glowing, lively street with people that were living in a small world all of their own, I am filled with an immeasurable sense of loss and hate, HATE at everyone who took up an official seat and blurted words beyond a microphone. I am positive that my faith in my country has been shattered beyond repair once and for all...living in Iraq, you don't know how much of a mockery that statement is, life in Iraq is little beyond shadowy representations of life as you know it, it is madhalla, humilliation, I feel sorry for anyone who cannot leave this fucking shithole forever.

Yet sometimes, a strange delusion creeps up to my being, at times when I innocently forget about the hardships of life and the cruetly of time and laugh at a dirty joke with my neighbors, we are transported in a space-time continum in a dilirium of stupid happiness, when I fondly play soccer with the neighborhood kids while the local teenage mosque guards are about 10 steps away from us, holding their tense shotguns and pretending to be our saviors.

The last time I wished I could stay in Iraq was when I went to college, I met many friends who I haven't seen in months, we laughed, we cuddled, we talked girls, movies and football like the old days, and it was this that I really wanted, the way everyone should live - but even there in my enclosed atmosphere of the college, something sinister evokes the darkness, like the half-torn death sign of my four friends who were killed three months earlier, or the fact that half of our department are leaving abroad, including many college professors.

I am so full with despair and helplessnes - usually, I blurt out my anger with music, so I whipped out a Shi'ite latmia that never failed to move me, I don't dig the words, but the voice is incredibly mournful and is about the loss of the reverred Imam Ali, the Imam who was so fed up by his own Iraqi followers that he once said: 'Iraq is the land of shikakk and nifaak" (division and hypocrisy). I connect the bittersweet sadness that it invokes with the despair and confusion towards my own homeland, Bassim al-Karbalie should do our national anthem.

" I wish that on that day I was there
and neareth thine shrine I would renew my oath
and I will hold a ceremony for your tragedy and mourn thee
and cry like women who lost their sons on your loss in despair
Yet, I forgot you not, I live in your memory
My being from the distance of separation, O Aba al-Hassan, calls."

20 comments:

Nightstudies said...

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't it true that the troubles in Iraq are really mostly made by Iraqis?

If so then the solution is obvious. Instead of doing the usual Arab thing, looking for a scapegoat to punish (and of course making things worse that way), the solution is to promote and organize the sort of sanity and responsibility that will solve your problems.

I know it sounds crazy but that, IS how people in free societies act.

You're welcome.

Anonymous said...

Sounds sucky. :/

And it would be the best steersmen/helmsmen stand ashore. :P

ahmed said...

True, think Opus Dei taken to extremes, and no, I don't even dig the words - i just like the performance.
Nightstudies...it is clear that you have only superficial ideas about the power struggle in Iraq, it is ultra more complicated than you might think. You're right, it's mostly made by greedy Iraqis, but these Iraqis act as fronts for Iran, U.S.A. or al-Qaeda.
Iraq is the battleground for the world's war.

Anonymous said...

Am I?

Nightstudies said...

Yeah, yeah. Nothing is ever your responsibility. Thus off the hook, no problem ever gets solved.

Do you know the song "Houses in Motion" by Talking heads? It seems appropriate:

For a long time I felt without style or grace
Wearing shoes with no socks in cold weather
I knew my heart was in the right place
I knew I'd be able to do these things.

And as we watch him digging his own grave
It is important to know that was where he's at
He can't afford to stop...That is what he believe
He'll keep on digging for a thousand years.

I'm walking a line-I'm thining about empty motion
I'm walking a line-Just barely enough to be living
Get outa the way-No time to begin
This isn't the time-So nothing was done
Not talking about-Not many at all
I'm turning around-No trouble at all
You notice there's nothing around you, around you
I'm walking a line-Divide and dissolve.

Never get to say much, never get to talk
Tell us a little bit, but not too much
Right about then, is where she give up
She has closed her eyes, she has give up hope

I'm walking a line-I hate to be dreaming in motion
I'm walking a line-Just barely enough to be living
Get outa the way-No time to begin
This isn't the time-So nothing was done
Not talking about-Not many at all
I'm turning around-No trouble at all
I'm keeping my fingers behind me, 'hind me
I'm walking a line-Divide and dissolve.

I turn myself around, I'm moving backwards and forwards
I'm moving twice as much as I was before
I'll keep on digging to the center of the Earth
I'll be down in there moving the in the room...

I'm walking a line-Visiting houses in motion
I'm walking a line-Just barely enough to be living
Get outa the way-No time to begin
This isn't the time-So nothing was done
Not talking about-Not many at all
I'm turning around-No trouble at all
Two different houses surround you, 'round you
I'm walking a line-Divide and dissolve.

Anonymous said...

Simplicity >>>> Oversimplication >>>> Simplemindedness!

Just ignore Nightsoil. He/she/it is lobbing mindless "thought" grenades, not engaging in a conversation.

Love that "mierenneuker" Jenny! (even if it comes uncomfortably close to my tendencies at times)

Anonymous said...

Want ik ga miereneuken, miereneuken, miereneuken is fijn.

http://www.sexdictionary.info/micropenis.html

XD

ahmed said...

@ Nightstudies.

Please take a moment to actually read what I am saying. THe way I understand it is that Iraq is now faling prey to a mixture of relatively small-scale Iraqi power struggle that is related to a big picture that joins US, Iran and al-Qaeda.

I did not take myself out of the blame, as a matter of fact, contrary to most Iraqis, I find the US not to be the main catalyst in what dragged Iraq into the state it is today, although they are the ones who brought the change.

Oh well, for all I know, your developed point of view cannot even allow to think outside of its educated mindshell for a moment,you could just picturing me taking a moment away from my camel and posting these from a laptop in my tent after just finished tea and nailing down my 7 harems.

(sigh)

Lynnette In Minnesota said...

THe way I understand it is that Iraq is now faling prey to a mixture of relatively small-scale Iraqi power struggle that is related to a big picture that joins US, Iran and al-Qaeda.

I agree. Whether it was our intention or not, we are fighting al-Qaeda and Iran on Iraqi territory. But then I think that is the case elsewhere as well.

The question for Iraqis is which is the lesser of (for them anyway) the three evils?

I find the US not to be the main catalyst

Intensely curious here. Who are you fingering with this statement?

Only 7 harems? Hmmmm.....

And what have you got against tents? I've had a lot of fun in tents! Er, no I don't mean like that! I meant when I was a kid. :)

Lynnette In Minnesota said...

I've had a lot of fun in tents and I DO mean it like that :)

LOL! Some people have all the luck! :)

ahmed said...

Just woke up, had a dream about a girl in a tent.

Damn you all :)

Lynnette In Minnesota said...

We're evil.....oh so evil! lol!

Michomeme said...

والله انقهرت على كل الاحداث هذي، اني ادري باللي يصير بالعراق وعايشته يوم بيوم، بس مرات الواحد يغلس شوية حتى نفسيته ما تتعب، ومن اقرأ بوست على العراق انقهر مرة ثانية، الوضع مو زين وراح يبقى على هذا الحال الى اجل غير مسمى، الايام الحلوة الي قضيتها وية اصدقائك بالجامعة اكيد راح تنتهي وما تبقى منها بس الذكريات

رب العالمين كتب علينا نعيش هذا العذاب سواء رضينا او لا ولازم نكول الحمدلله والشكر على كلشي..
كلنا نتمنا لو احنة خارج العراق او نعيش حياة طبيعية مثل باقي العالم بس راح تبقى هذي امنية والله وحده اللي يعلم راح تتحق اولا..
والله كريم..

نجحت؟ شوكت تستلم نتيجة الامتحانات؟؟


تحياتي
ميشو
من
العراق

Anonymous said...

I just gotta say, your writing is incredible Konfused. When i was studying for my exams a few months back I stumbled across your blog in my break...its pretty much put a human face on the news...now im studying international politics (got my A in politics!) and the rest of my politics class and i argue about Iraq everyday...bit of a random nonsensicle comment but i felt like posting it

Amazing how quick you had to grow up...I mean....I feel adult when i have a driving lesson but what you and your countrymen are going through is so tragic

Gd luck...you havnt exactly changed this British teenager's life but you made the exams bearable.

off note, one of my m8s was deployed for the first time last month (to Basrah) thinking of the dangers they face over there, im prty worried..

TomD

Bassam Sebti said...

M heart is breaking for all what is happening in Iraq. I don't know what the coming days are hiding! Be safe, man!

Anonymous said...

And again, amen. Saw a post from "Kid in Jord" on Zeyad's site, and I kind of hope you went back to Amman. But wherever you are, be safe.

BTW, your dream about a girl in a tent. Wasn't a girl ANT was it? :)

Lynnette In Minnesota said...

That looks much better, Kid. :)

Nice picture. Huh, you WERE messing with your template!

Anonymous said...

It's terrible what your country has gone through, from the Iranian/Kurdish wars of the 1980s, the invasion of Kuwait and subsequent coalition invasion, the Shia civil war that followed, the 12 years of sanctions...

Unfortunately, as much as we would like to, we Americans cannot give Iraqis the kind of lives you'd like: free, safe, prosperous. Only through great effort by Iraqis can Iraq become such a place.

Hopefully, democracy will be a start.

annie said...

Yet, I forgot you not, I live in your memory

i think this is very beautiful. not sure wht you don't like the words. i wish i could hear the sound of the voice you speak of. sometimes i really mourn for all the pain people have sufferd in iraq, and feel guilty about my country's part. i wish i could do more. i wish i could hear this song. thank you for pouring out your soul in these posts. someday, i wish we could meet.

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