Arabs Created The First Reality Show In History

Who is your dream girl? Not the name you casually toss after a period of thinking when someone asks you the question, but the one you never tell anyone about and you do all your secret weird fetishes with in your dreams? Do you have her in your mental image? Nicole Kidman? Okay. Focus. Close your eyes, now, imagine you just managed to have the best of impressions on her on a dream date...and you're going back to her apartment. Now, instead of Nicole taking off all her clothes and doing unprintable things, she tells you to hang on, goes to the kitchen, closes the door, then after 10 minutes, she comes back smiling with a warm glass of milk, sits near you, and tells you to 'drink it', you are doing all you can for keeping that glossy vibe going, but there's something un-sexual about her smile, more caring than loving, anyway you do not hesitate as you drink the unavoidable milk and tells her it is so delicious,

"MMMMMM! Very different! is this the milk of some special goat?"

and, Nicole says, unflinched: "Special goat all right, this is my breast milk."

**********



One time when we were crashing at a friend's house, late at 1 AM, calling random girl numbers, he told us that the best way to get rid of a crush that is ruining your life is to picture the targeted hatta having an unglamorous big dump with all the appropriate sound effects, I suspect the guy was a fecalphilliac, but his method worked anyway for a while until things became more grossy than any episode of South Park involving Mr. Hankey The Christmas Poo. However, I think Dr. Izzat Attiyeh of the Oral narration department in al-Azhar university may have just provided us with the best solution.

"Dr. Izzat Attiyah, head of Oral Narration department in the university of Religion Fundamentals in al-Azhar university, dropped a bomb when he allowed women in a working environment to breastfeed their male co-workers, to prevent prohibited presence of them both together alone in a locked room whose door is opened by only one of them. Attiyah confirmed to al-Arabiya.net that "Breastfeeding the Adult" consists of five breastfeeds, and it permits presence together alone but does not prevent marriage, and the woman can take off her veil in front of her breast-fed co-worker, demanding of course that the feed be documented."

This method is brilliant!!! I tried all the women I can think of and I could not think of trying to make love to any one of them after they will offer me a glass of warm milk that is nurtured motherly from their loving chests.

If that is not enough for you, try this for size:
It is a known fact that Iraqis invented the wheel, code of laws, arabs invented mathematics, algebra, the zero, without which you could not buy anything as simple as Britney's Spears fart in a container off e-Bay, the internet-shopping site which I am sure we played a hand in creating but the Jews took all the credit as always, and of course, that William Harvey chap did not discover the blood circulation system, but he ripped it off from our very-proud-diaper-head Ibn al-Nafis. If that is not enough truth that we can kick your asses any minte we can, infidels, then know this...we are the ones who have created the first format of a reality show in the history of mankind way back in the early 7th century. You think Jackass is novelty? Fear Factor? Har. You are so backward:

"The Grand Mufti of Egypt, Ali Jum'aa, defended his edict regarding the prophet's urine, in which he stated that the companions of the prophet used to take blessings with it, by saying that the prophet is pure as the whole, on the outside and the inside, and even in his refuse, adding that this is the overall census of all the prominent Islamic scholars."

Wow! Vote for your favorite candidate today, who will be dropped off today's show? who will not be able to pass the urine test? Is it young Ali Talib, gruff'n'loud Umar Khattab, or old'n'soft Bakr Quhafa? SMS 2034 Fastlink, 2035 Umnia.

(upbeat music)


The thing I've always liked about my religion is that it supposedly draws a striking line to attaching any divinity to the personality of the prophet through non-negotiable Quranic verses "Mohammed is but a messenger, and messengers before him are many...", or any other saints, as opposed to Christianity for example, or the Shiite sect of Islam, however statements like the ones made by the mufti, highlighted in such a problematic fashion at this advanced age, makes us both prone to glorifiying the prophet as a semi-divine being the ways Sufis do, or looking like complete brainwipes in front of the modern world. They are both wrong and unnecessary.

As for the breastfeeding thing, all jokes aside, since this subject has issues which might be considered outrageous, I feel it is necessary to give you a more serious commentary on the subject, a lot of the articles I read in response were mere outrage without proper background or knowledge, like Anarki-13 for example, I researched all I could find on the topic and found the following:
Prof. Izzat Attiya is not a sex fiend as some (a lot) of people have said, his proof on the matter was thus: all the Sunni scholars, prophet companions, and wives of the prophet except Aisha, prohibit breastfeeding after the child becomes over two years. The scholars cite a number of evidence from both Quran and oral prophet narration, unnecessary to include for the sake of brevity, Aisha, however says that it is okay to breastfeed a man after that in certain instances. For proof, she relates this narration: "Sahla bint Suhail came to the prophet, and told him: O Prophet of God, I see unease in the face of Abu Hudhaifa (her husband) when Salim enters while I am present, the prophet said: Breastfeed him. She said: How, and he is old of age? The Prophet smiled and said: I know that he is."
Salim was an enslaved child of Abu Hudhaifa during war, Islam prohibits adoption, so his relation to Abu Hudhaifa's household therefore became as foreign as any man to any family when he grows up. By breastfeeding him, she becomes his mother-in-breastfeeding, this type of relationship allows a woman to uncover her hair with someone and to be alone with him. It forbids her to marry him, too. The other wives of the prophets disagreed with Aisha over this particular instance, saying that it may have been a particular case that is not fit to be a general rule, in any case, the breastfeeding narration is solely narrated by Aisha, it is worth mentioning that nobody knows for sure how old Salim really was in the narration, he might have been 4 or five, also, if you look rationally at the laws of Islam, which places severe restrictions on women's dress and what things she must expose, it is almost unthinkable that what is meant by 'breastfeeding' is actual delicious nipple-sucking, scholars say that she gives him her milk in a glass or container. This particular narration was the subject of minor controversy for a long time. During my days of Sunni-Shiite crusade, I found that it is often used by Shiites to slander Aisha, the prophet's wife who is the narrator, it is also used by Christians every now and then. The problem is not in the narration itself, an obscure text that was not practiced by other companions or wives of the prophet, and rejected by almost all of the Sunni scholars. It is in the inappropriate manner the edict was handled by Prof. Attiya, who did not comprehend the enormous impact of such a carefree edict, issued in circumstances different to today's both socially incompatible and globally uncomprehending standards, I mean for God's sake, just open the door of your solitary work environment and the problem will end! This also applies to the other preposterous edict by the Mufti of Egypt, as where is the prophet's urine now so that this fuss be made over it? Overall, it's lame. It's not important, and there are a lot more important subjects to tackle than this tits-and-piss biz. It is funny, really, how much do they focus on such trivialities! Look at this brilliant caricature which I stole from my favorite site of late, and translated by moi:


Anyway, I think after all I could use all this to my advantage, by a stroke of luck, I got an unofficial job interview tomorrow, I am really excited, not for the prospect of landing a job so soon but for all the titties I am gonna jihad-suck on, so help me god.

CCNA and dating in Jordan

I was busy studying for my CCNA finals which I finished this week, I got 987 out of 1000. Naturally, this absence resulted in a lot of ideas for this blog, which might prove somewhat different. Anyway, I am a Cisco Certified Network Associate now, thank you ladies, all I have to do is find a job now. Getting a job in Jordan is highly difficult for Iraqis, as is everything else. On other personal news, I was interviewed for getting a 'G' passport about one week ago, I am supposed to get it next month. I have heard so much about this mythical document, so I wonder what will happen if I got it, maybe things will never be the same again. Also, I never knew I was that striking, two weeks ago, my dentist's Palestinian secretary started flirting with me, I wasn't used to it and she wasn't that cute. I met an Iraqi girl living in Jordan online, and three days later we hung out on a 'date', she was very strange - first she was one year older than me, and second she took me to all those empty places where I could do whatever I felt like if I wanted to, and third her style of dress was very conservative. After the date, she came online and said: 'what do u think if someone like you was 'engaged' to someone like me. Unfortunately she wasn't that cute either and her shameless begging for it made me disrespect her in no small amount, I kept turning her down for three times and she still calls me every once in a while. To top it off, I was waiting at the bus stop the other day for a bus at 7:30 PM in a cloudy cold evening with another man. After 10 minutes the dude, who was dressed neatly and had shaved his head, started pacing to and fro around me, in the end he offered me a cigarette and then said politely in an Iraqi accent: 'Want a job?'
I paused. 'What kind of job, friend?'
He paused. 'Come up to my appartment with me and I will tell you everything in an hour's time.'
Huh? What the hell? 'Why don't u you just tell me here friend.'
'I know what you mean' at this point some white car drove up to him, and he was prepared to get inside it, polite and slender as only non-heterosexual Iraqis can be, he continued 'but you won't understand what I am talking about and why I can't tell you right here until you meet my supervisor.'
I didn't know orgies had supervisors. Hey, I got a CCNA, maybe I can be your orgy's IT manager. 'No thank you', for a moment, a fleeting impulse that craved a break from the daily routine and sought adventure told me to go ride with him and see what happens, but the dude was too big for me and I don't think I could have outsmarted him or outfought him if things turn prissypants - and he might have had other means for which I am no match.
Iraqis also make fun of Jordan as 'Lot's People', as a slander because homosexuality is supposedly persistent around here, and also because maybe I think the anicent city of Lot is there, anyway, it is a little bit depressing and telling that the first gay man I meet in Jordan is a well-fed Iraqi.

Adhamiya Wall Paintings?

BAGHDAD, al-ADHAMIYA: Several artists used the wall built around al-Adhamiya city by US forces as a canvas for their paintings. My grandfather will be proud.
Beautiful. and creative, I like it.
UPDATE:My gut insisted for a second that it was weird that those painting would spring up in the land of Baathies and al-Qaeda, who as I hear are killing people for sins such as wearing shorts or smoking cigarettes, what about drawing infidel art, anonymous dude commented here saying it's in Sa3doon Street, while his report is unverified it makes more common sense to me there than Adhamiya. Adhamiya is a rough neighborhood with a mentality that shuns art (and this kind of art is usually negliglble for most Iraqis anyway).

The Answer

Pro-Withdrawal are people who are either:
1. Baathists remembering the good old days,
2. al-Qaeda lusting for a new state,
3. Common Arab and Iraqi people who simply follow Islamic Rule of Thumb regarding the matter: America Bad, America Go Away
4. sectarain Sunnis who hate to see Shia in power and consider them worse than Jews,
5. Sectarain Shiite who wants to have it all
6. or hopeless pessimists who see no use in them staying and just wanting them to leave and get the civil war out in the open, their theory is as this:

As you all know, the occupation is the source of all problems, their existence attracts violence and complicates matters, when America goes away, al-Qaeda will follow, because al-Qaeda is an alien product and it follows America wherever it is, there might be a civil war but it will not last as those who came with the Americans will go out with them and the Iraqi people can choose a true patriotic hero.

I really cannot follow the logic behind this. Yes the occupation MIGHT be problematic, but this is simply mere excuses for wanting to restore things back to where they were. If USA leaves, al-Qaeda will never leave because it has the Shia to kill and it has a very lovely Islamic State of Iraq. The Resistance (lol) will step up their efforts to reclaim what is rightfully theirs, and with the great possibility of all-out proxy war, it just can take years and years as I know very well that Iraqis on their own won't accept compromise. This will take years to solve until everybody realizes how much deep in blood we're swimming. Most likely outcome is a very artificial state that is all but divided in the real sense. Bloggers like this are Riverbend, who was already against the occupation from the beginning but was trying hard all the way to look without prejudice, Jarrar family, who are Palestinians and therefore instantly worship Saddam.


Anti-Withdrawal are

1. Normal Iraqis who are afraid of possible worsening of the condition
2. People who still believe in freedom and democracy, those are a very tiny minority

Things can go much, much worse. As I outlined above, this theory has more common sense, but all in all it's also laborious and slow and I don't think the US public can stomach it any longer, it's getting a lot like Vietnam and we all know what that means in US consciousness.

All in all, it's a very confusing scene. People, both Iraqi and American, are growing extremely pessimistic, whatever happens, there is a huge possibility that we will be back to zero and more than that, a tyrannical regime(s) firmly in place and feeding on sectarain sentiments on either side, I don't miss Saddam's times, as there was no color to life then and nobody was happy, even though they do not admit it right now, and I will not fix wrong by wrong no matter what, don't you wish it were just like the movies, where the bad guys could be identified just by a look, it is not like this all. Whatever happens, Iraq's chance of recovery is incredibly slim, maybe it's just best to let the troops out and let the war begins, cuz we're all so very tired.

Satricial Iraq Statistics

I have found a great Arabic Wiki called Beidipedia (lit. Eggepedia) about the Middle East in general but is predominantly focused upon Iraq, its approach is to present satricial items in the traditional neutral news/encyclopedia approach a la The Onion. Their entry for Saddam Hussein is largely comprised of the blog post I wrote about him a while ago in Arabic (they even added the bits I wrote by myself about (Imam Izzat al-Abid) whoever you are, thank you), I've added to the few sites I list on the sidebar, which I consider as must-reads. I have also added the WikiIraq site which aims at being a more traditional source about all things Iraqi.
This is from their entry about Iraq (abridged):

IRAQ
Anthem: By Blood, By Soul, We Protect The Green Zone
Population: 25 million - (1 million x (this year - 2004))
Militas: None
Police: Local, National, International, Border, Baghdad Thieves Organization
Administrative Divisions: Sistanistan, Mes'oodistan, Armedcarstan
Constitution: Descended by Bremer and believed in by Iraqis
Capital: Erbil, Falluja, Najaf
Language: Disputed
Sects:
The majority of Iraqis are Shiite by 100%, the rest are Sunnis (apx. 100%), and there are other majorites such as Kurds and Kuldo-Assyrian-Syrian-Canaanines who follow Shafi'a Christian beliefs.
History: Iraq is the cradle of civillization, and Shish Kebab, and also have produced several prominent torture techniques against enemies of the prophet's household Nawasib and the grandchildren of al-Alqami Rawafidh, the latter prefer to use electric drills while Nawasibs prefer halal slaughter. Some of the most prominent historical and cultural practices of Iraqis include:

* Applauding Americans
* Applauding tryants
* Sending armed cars to their neighbors, breaking the world record consecutively in that category
*Voting in StarAcademy
*Insisting upon the unity of Sunnis and Shiites


The tone of the site varies from all-out satire such as the above and more elaborate commentary, it rigorously defends the famous Iraqi singer Saadi El Hilli against the barrage of homosexual jokes involving him for 20 years now, nevertheless, the site is steeped in pessimism against everything in the Arab world, my cup of tea and my kind of thing indeed. Great read, great site, i'm in heavens right now.


UPDATE (10 mintes later):
I can't stop laughing, tears are flowing down my eyes, if you can read Arabic, then this is a must, the entry about al-Hajajj was hilarious!

While Shaving...

No past and no tomorrow, all that you love will be carried away, why the hell am I feeling so angry for no reason, an anger that sometimes fades away when I'm having the great time of my life those days, laughing around with my brother and sister but it seems to be forever coming back, summoned from a hollow engraving deep down inside - like a bathroom that always smells vaguely of shit no matter how hard you wash it, mostly I feel it when I am walking alone in the empty streets, when there's nothing else to distract me from its morbid pulse, always there, silently starting, always feeling on the edge of explosion and facing it but never able to actually claim him, what I need is the reason, the pretext, the catalyst, looking at old college photographs don't help and it doesn't make me cry. I felt chronic, somewhat tired with my self-mocking apathy, I wasn't feeling this bad when I was in Iraq, an irony that is oddly similar to immediately hearing your grandmother loudly snoring after a huge IED explosion. Oddly detached, yet still there, composing my thoughts, the bathroom still seems vaguely of shit no matter how hard you wash it. I snort, trying to figure out what should I do with my facial hair this day and at the same trying to remember which al-Arabiya broadcaster I was sleeping with in yesterday's dream. No past and no tomorrow, every minute of your life counts, even those in bathrooms that suggest feces every minute, every second. Iraq is lost, down the toilet and up the ass. all that you love will be carried away, stephen king kept telling me yesterday, maybe i should finish that Fallout game and try to call it a day, the motherfucker Chou Seung whatshis face...eeeee....the media keep insisting that he's a monster but really all they want to say is how much we're loving it, sinister! bloody! horrible! and deep down they're squirming with joy, something is finally happening! no more bored scoops about the confused sons of dead sluts, what a bunch of losers we all are, i love the iraq war because it made you notice me, it's all about the attention and who gets it, how much we love the death and destruction, from what movie was this line from? Waking Life! and who was the girl? was it Suhair al-Qaysi? the Iraqi anchor with the chubby face or the pale blond one that always looks she just had sex, Suhair Murtadha? it's all lost. They're building al-Adhamiya zoo for al-Qaeda to walk around and France is choosing the new president, I decided on a small chin beard and began shaving...my mother didn't smell anything but why do I keep smelling it? perhaps it's the mental image in my brain, whatever it is, Maysoon Azzam! Maysoon Azzam! Maysoon Azzam! I felt happy at this silly little completion of yesteday's dream, a mental orgasm. I left the bathroom and got out.

Virginia Gunman Chou Plays

Here's the first one, basically a 13 year old fighting with his stepfather, Richard McBeef
and here's the second one: Mr. Brownstone.

Sarafiya Bridge

Yes, I'm angry, no time to be suave anymore. al-Sarafiya bridge is demolished. This is exorcism of some demons. not a real post, if u don't like it, fuck you.

Before I heard of what happened, I was watching an interview with a very disturbed individual, Mr. Mohammed al-Faydhi, the reason is that he is very disturbed is that he represents the Association of Muslim Armed Cars, better known as Muslim Scholars.
Some people get their fix when they bash America, but that's getting kinda stale in my opinion, and others just love throwing their feces eastward at the yellow-winds of the Persian Saffavids, but my personal venegance is against those fucking assholes who still shout those empty slogans such as 'Resistance', or 'Jihad'. Very arrogant, stubborn people without any vision for the future, all they care about is 'getting the occupation what', and then what? then what you motherfucker?!? THen what Khalid Jarrar?!? then what? The reason I was getting my teeth together was his explanation for the Muslim Gays position on al-Qaeda.

"Our position is clear, we support everyone who is against the American occupation but we condemn all the murders of innocent Iraqis, al-Qaeda entered at the beginning and did some very honourable deeds against the Americans, but afterwards they were infiltrated by people who began targeting innocent Iraqis."

Koss Ummak Ya Ibn al Sharmoota. So if a person kills 100 Iraqis and then kills 1 American then he should be lauded, this is the same reasoning which I used to hear from the Badrists and the Sadrists back in the day. Oh Yes, we are good people with honest deeds but we are infiltrated by some minority that does not represent us, as we represent the will of the Iraqi people. then do something about it, you Dickless Diaperhead...I just wish that you all will join the fate of that sadistic motherfucker right now where they're piling the molten lava that they could muster in his glorious netherend in the nether-realm.
And then a friend came and told me about Sarafiya Bridge - and as I saw the picture of that great strucutre on which I tread upon many days of my life, I just couldn't take it anymore. I'm really afraid of what might happen if structures I really care such as Imam Ali in Najaf or Abu Haneefa in Adhamiya are destroyed, now I can understand how Shiites felt when al-Askari was destoryed, it's horrible, just horrible i tell you, I pictured myself wearning the same armed belt, the same grenades and going around here to find where the fuck does that sick fuck Harith al-Dhari lives so I can just give him the taste of his medicine once and FOR ALL. What use is us? All we do is just sit around and do nothing as our country is destroyed by those pigs, those monkeys, those apes, Remember why I was so pissed off about that Star Academy bimbo? Because when al-Askari shrine happened I was really optimistic about the Sunnis and Shiite finally proving to the world that it doesn't matter like I always thought it doesn't, I was optimistic about all the joint prayers and I cursed fellow bloggers but then again I was proven how little do I know! So when I watched those 7 million asses voting and lauding it as some big deal I get a serene sense of Deja Vu, Fuck you Shada Hasson and fuck all the gay 7 million Iraqis who think you mean something...I'm beyond hate, beyond insanity now, beyond everything.

300

"It's basically a propaganda where Batman kicks al-Qaeda's ass" - creator of 300 comic Frank Miller, about his next Batman comic
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

300 is a good movie technically speaking, I just wanted to clear that beforehand.

Now, Yuck.
That was my initial gut reaction as me and ExZombie, who seemed to like it, walked out of the Century Cinema, of course, it is partly due to the horrible abominations sold nearby as innocent hamburgers, but it was mostly because of Zack Snyder's big-screen abomination.
300 is the sort of film where you should walk in with your brain shut off and your eyes turned all the way up - revelling at the unforgiving bloody carnage like an al-Qaeda extremist as the first scene, which depicts how Spartans discovered natural selection by killing any weak babies around, gives you a hint at the comic-book mentality of what's coming up next, and it's a real guilty pleasure to caress your violence id as the visuals are a sight to behold, unfortunately you can't enjoy this wholeheartedly when every once in a while a phrase like 'ushering a new generation as we, protectors of freedom and democracy' against the 'darkness of mysticism and barabarism from the east' or 'let every brave warrior who came hither here, or in the NEXT CENTURIES, remember us, remember us, for what we stood for, and never underestimate the enemy...', and then there's the whole senate subplot....I did actually take the trouble to download the comic to see the differences, and the Senate bit exists nowhere - as King Leonidas prepares to go to war against the will of the gods, there is an intense political battle back home spearheaded by his loving wife against some sneaky dude called Theoden, so we get a fleeting passage of drama in which Nancy Pelosi....i'm sorry, Theoden, if you wanna look at it this way, accuses the Queen of being a traitor and not to reinforce the King Leoniads, in the end, the Queen can't stand it and simply whacks her trusty dagger in Pelosi's gut like somebody's wet dream, I kinda liked Clinton better, at least he jerked off to regular dames like the rest of us.

Another persistent theme is the mocking of religion, often the bread-and-butter of Hollywood, like Troy, where the Gods are mercilessly mocked, going as far as depicting that King Priam of Troy's only mistake was reliance on Apollo, highly contrary to Homer's intentions - 300 is very unkind to the Greek's Allahs and Jesuses, portraying their priests as decadent, half-men half-peanut butter creatures who live off touching the butts of poor oracles, and playing little gods over the population, this however, exists in the original comic-book.

Unfortunately, the filmmakers tried too much to hammer their pro-Bush foreign policy lest that walking-braindeath fanbase would get it that it ruined the setpieces for me, so much so that i wound up not remembering any, and don't get me wrong, i like that sort of film, I held about a gallon of pee all the way throughout Apocalypto for fear of missing a single bit of Aztec action and I didn't really feel it was racist in any sort, the difference, of course, is that the Aztecs are long gone - the Persians and their 'mysticism' (Islam?) are still around. However, it did make a fan of Frank Miller out of me, while I couldn't stand to read his 300 comic book, I went and downloaded his version of Batman, and so far, it's good stuff.

In the end, great visuals, great two-dimensional comic-book sensibilities, but shameless, god-awful propaganda, if you can stomach that, then go ahead by all means.

Daughter of My Ass

"Palestine is now a map on the breasts of hookers."
- Nizzar Qabbani

The above quote really sums up my whole feelings about this Bint-il-Rafidain ordeal, how countries today are mere slogans that are not really very different from corporate sponsorship.
I must say that it is with a feeling of pure and utter disgust that I feel I have to include such cotton-candy corporate whoredom show on my blog. and this contempt is now only compounded by the recent manufactured event of having the winner of the show, an Iraqi of Moroccan mother who's spent almost all of her life in France, to win the show and be trumpeted as the symbol of Iraq's unity. I could almost feel the blobs of vomit boiling up right now.

Zeyad's blog says that about 7 milllions inside IRAQ ALONE voted for her, that is a ratio of one out of four Iraqis but let us not forget that you can vote multiple times and some nerdy geeks finished whole prepaid cards on this travesty - I am against this show for several reasons, first, while she has a pretty good operatic voice that could do some classic 60s songs beautifully - it's a show that has that stupid consumerism Diva-worshipping crap that I, as an anti-mainstream, anti-establihsment rock fan, feel horribly insulted by - pre-packaged starlettes and the show is in the end not about talent, but actually about the boy-girl mixture which tingles repressed feelings in the Arab community, and most importantly, national bias.

Okay, regardless of my own feelings about the show, I have no problems with her winning, or of the people who voted, but my beef is with all that thing about her becoming a national symbol.

Sir Nir Rosen has an interesting paragraph on his seminal 'Civil War Anatomy' that I feel is fitting for the occasion:

I first visited Adhamiya on April 18, 2003, to see the triumphal return to Abu Hanifa of Dr. Ahmad Kubeisi, Iraq’s most famous living Sunni theologian, the mosque was covered in banners. On top of its walls young men held ones proclaiming “One Iraq, one people,” “No to America,” “We reject foreign control,” “Sunnis are Shias and Shias are Sunnis; we are all one,” “All the believers are brothers,” “Leave our country; we want peace.” Demonstrators chanted, “No to America, no to Saddam. Our revolution is Islamic!”

In 2003 Kubeisi’s followers held joint demonstrations and joint prayers with radical Shia movements such as Muqtada’s. Their message was “maku farq” there is no difference” between Sunnis and Shias: “We are all Muslims.” But they were protesting too much, and behind the stentorian insistence that they were united was the fear that they were not, and the knowledge of what would happen should this secret become known.

Yes, we are too much afraid, and we only graze and polish our external image to prove to our dear Arab brothers how much strong we are, while inside our houses and ourselves, therein lies the roots of separation, of hatred and of discord, planted deep within, we are afraid to go deep there and solve them, instead, hey, here's that snotty lady that looks like a beautiful pig swagging around on that show, she is Iraqi, so let's give her a help....Iraqis have gone and done it yet again, proving how pathetic they really are, when we continue to insist on such frail people as symbols for our unity, then that really means that we have a huge fucking problem. We did it last year when some folks began pointing at the abominable show 'The Government, or He's Dead' as a show where Sunnis, Shiites and Kurds can laugh at together - The show was a huge failure, terrible script, terrible puns, looks over content, just about every mistake there ever is, and here we laud it yet again as the solution to the failure of those childish politicians, even the title of that show was stolen from a hugely successful and funny satire-show that's done by another civil war-candidate country, the Lebanese "Basmat Watan" which can also be translated into two far more biting meanings: "Smiles of a Country" and "Yet, the country's dead". ًًWe can't do ANYTHING right. What good did this victory do for a mother who lost her son, or a family who lost their house. I can't believe our stupidity! I don't think any air-headed nation, even America, would do such a stupid thing when their country is being demolished and tattered piece by piece, this is not a time for celebration, it's a time of mourning. Don't cry all day, but still, respect the lost souls.

ههههههه مقتل الأمام صدام بن الحسين (عليهما السلام)

This is from a link on a comment on my previous post. It's basically keeping in the theme of my previous post as well.



السلام على الطاهرة المظلومة الصائمة المقسومة الرادحة المرقوصة رغد بن صدام بن الحسين
السلام على الشاخصين الماخصين, الواثبين الراقدين, الشافيين المارضين أسدي الفرات و دجلة موالينا عدي و قصي
و السلام على ابيهما الظافر السافر, المقتدر المسنفر, العالم الغانم, ابو الأسد و النمر و الليثين و القردة و سائر حواوين هذه الدنيا, الإمام صدام بن الحسين عليه السلام.
هذه لطيمة بحق المظلوم الشهيد
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ayWVrXOwzvc

عظم الله اجورنا واجوركم انها فاجعه وغدر الزمن ادمت قلوبنا
اللهم ارضى عن رفاقه المنتجبين
اللهم العن اول ظالم لصدام وثاني ظالم له وثالث ظالم و رابع ظالم له و خامس ظالم له المقتدى بن المجتنى و عبد العزيز بن الحكيم و بوش الصغير الأرعن و جلال الدين المصغر المسترعن عدو الله في بقيته صولاغ الشيطان في مستنفر بقاعه (لعنه الله عليهم)
السلام على صدام ، وعلى أولاد صدام , وعلى مصطفى بن قصي، وعلى أصحاب صدام وعلى انصار صدام.الإمام المهدي من ولد الإمام صدام حسين حي باق مختفي عن الأنظار حتى يأذن الله له بالخروج والأدلة على ولادته كثيرة
فقد روى السامرائي قدس سره في الشافي عن محمد بن الحسين الأشعري، عن الوطبان بن نعلان، عن عزت بن الخرعان بن عبد الله قال: خرج عن أبي عدي ( ع ) حين عزم مقتدى الصدر على قتله : هذا جزاء من اجترأ على الله في أوليائه، يزعم أنه يقتلني وليس لي عقب، فكيف رأى قدرة الله فيه، وولد له ولد سماه (ل ؤ ي) في سنة ألف وأربعمائة واثنين وعشرين وهو مختف عن الأنظار لا يراه إلا خاصته ( 4 ).
كما روى الشيخ السامرائي قدس سره في الشافي أيضاً عن محمد بن علي، عن بلال بن محمد بن علي قال: خرج إلي من أبي عدي قبل مضيه بسنتين يخبرني بالخلف من بعده، ثم خرج إلى من قبل مضيه بثلاثة أيام يخبرني بالخلف من بعده(5)
وروى أيضاً في الشافي بسند صحيح، عن يحيى بن محمد، عن إسحاقبن أحمد، عن هاشم الجعفري قال: قلت لأبي عدي ( ع ) لما كان محبوسا في سجن الغدر والخيانة: جلالتك تمنعني من مسألتك، فتأذن لي أن أسألك؟ فقال: سل. قلت: يا سيدي هل لك ولد بعد عدي وقصي؟ فقال: نعم. فقلت: فإن حدَثَ بك حدثٌ فأين أسأل عنه؟ فقال: بالمدينة. أيظنون أن عقبي ينقطع كلا والله إن شانئي هو الأبتر (6)

اللهم عجل فرج الامام المهدي علي بن صدام بن حسين عليه السلام
ذكر أبو الفتح بن أبي الشموس في تاريخه الشهير الليل الحندس الدامس في فضائح الطابور الخامس فقال "دخل مغيظ بن لاسع على مقتدى الصدر بعد أن قتل الرئيس المهيب صدام حسين بيده ولما جلس بجواره سأله مقتدى: أرءيت صنيع الله بعدوه صدام؟ فقام مغيظ وصفع مقتدى على صفحة خده صفعة اهتز منها شارباه ثم قال له: أتسب رجلا يحب الله ورسوله ويحبه الله ورسوله؟؟!! فقال له مقتدى صفه لي. فقال مغيظ: كان والله بعيد المدى شديد القوى، يقول فصلا ويحكم عدلا، يتفجر العلم من جوانبه، وتنطق الحكمة من نواحيه، يستوحش من الدنيا وزهرتها، ويستأنس بالليل وظلمته، كان والله غزير الدمعة، كثير الفكرة، يقلب كفه ويخاطب نفسه، يعجبه من اللباس ما خشن ومن الطعام ما جشب، كان والله كأحدنا، يجيبنا إذا سألناه، ويبتدئنا إذا أتيناه، ويأتينا إذا دعوناه، ونحن والله مع قربه منا ودنوه إلينا، لا نكلمه هيبة له، ولا نبتديه لعظمته، فان تبسم فعن اللؤلؤ المنظوم، يعظم أهل الدين، ويحب المساكين، لا يطمع القوي في باطله، ولا ييأس الضعيف من عدله.
فأشهد بالله لقد رأيته في بعض مواقفه ليلة، وقد أرخى الليل سدوله وغارت نجومه، وقد مثل قائما في محرابه قابضا على لحيته يتململ تململ السليم، ويبكي بكاء الحزين، وكأني أسمعه وهو يقول: "يا دنيا غري غيري، أبي تعرضت أم إلي تشوقت، هيهات هيهات، لقد أبنتك ثلاثا لا رجعة لي فيك، فعمرك قصير وعيشك حقير، وخطرك كبير، آه من قلة الزاد، وبعد السفر، ووحشة الطريق". فبكى مقتدى حتى اخضلت لحيته
ومنعوا الامام صدام عن شرب الماء وقال لهم جرعة ماء .. وحالوا بينه وبين الماء .. فقال لهم لم لا تسقونني ماء والنهر يجري تحتكم ..
فاقتادوه الى حبل المشنقة أوف أوف أووووووف .. (كورال) أوووووووف صياح نساء واطفال..
واجتمع عليه الحرس وبأيديهم حبل المشنقة .. وهو واقف كالاسد .. وقد اسقاه الله وأطعمه .. وقالوا له .. أعتذر من سيدك مقتدى الصدر ونطلق سراحك ... فابتسم وقال .. إن الموت أحب إلي من هذا الطاغية المتجبر ... أوف .. أوووووووف ..
فوقف على المقصلة يرفع سبابته متشهدا .. وحبل المشنقة حول رقبته .. واعداء الله يصورونه بالبلوتوث .. ويقذفونه بأقبح الالفاظ ..فانتفض الإمام من طوره و نطق بكلمة حقه في سلطان باطله عن لسان ربه مخاطبا ذئاب اعداءه, و ناكري فضائله : هيه هاي المرجلة؟؟؟

فسقط في حفرة .. ويقولون ان روحه ارتفعت الى السماء .. ويقولون أنه لم يمت .. وهو يمتطي حصانه في السماء ويسمعون ركض خيله حينما يكون القمر بدرا..

جاء في الكافي لأيمن سبعاوي أن الإمام صدام حسين المجيد ـ عليه السلام ـ وبعد جولة تفقدية على القطاعات العسكرية بعد نهاية الحرب الإيرانية العراقية وقف عند غدير الفاو وأوصى قادة الجيش والحزب :
من كنتُ مولاه فعزت الدوري مولاه ، اللهم والي من والاه وعادي من عاداه .
قال أيمن سبعاوي : وبه انعقدت الولاية لعزت الدوري من بعده .

اتاني جبريل (و في رواية جبرائيل ) في المنام .. و قال لي .. كان من المفترض ان يكون صدام حسين رضي الله عنه و آله هو رسول الأمة .. و لكني اخطأت اذا انزلت الوحي خطأءا غير متعمدا على محمد بن عبدالله .. و اني اعتذر منك و اوصيك ان تبلغ المسلمين اعتذاري و اسفي .. و انصحك بالتشيع لصدام بن الحسين و آل بيته الأشراف ..

سألنا الإمام العابد عزة الجامد ابا ثلجة في فروة غطائه : أي أبا عبد الله هل لإمامنا بقية في أرضه؟ قال و لم سألكم هذا؟ قالو قد طغي على شيعتنا زعم انه ليس له عقب ...فانتفض غاضبا و اهتزت شاربه و هو يقف و لا شي ء عليه الا جوربه و لباسه الداخلي:
تبا لكم من نفاقين دجالين...والله لا تقوم الساعه حتى ينهض المنتظر المجتبى المظلوم المحتصر إمامنا علي بن صديم المستقر فيقتل الجبت و الطاغوت و يكسر اصنام الحكيم جميعها و يملآ الأرض عدلا كما ملئت جورا.

عن محمد سعيد الصحاف عليه السلام قال :
( لما ولد الامام صدام صلى الله عليه وآله مكث أياما ليس له لبن ، فألقاه عزت الدوري على ثدي نفسه ، فأنزل الله فيه لبنا فرضع منه أياما حتى وقع عزت الدوري على ساجده فدفعه إليها )

Saddam bin Hussein and Hussein bin Ali

"For you are Hussein and I am Hussein, and today we shall see which Hussein will come triumphant."
- Hussein Kamel, Saddam's son-in-law, addressing Imam Hussein's shrine in Kerbala during the 1991 Shiite revolution.

Due to the differences between the Hijri Islamic calendar, based on the moon, and the universally adopted Gregorian Sun-based calendar, the Islamic one is shorter by 11 days, as a result, in about three years, the Gregorian date for the execution-martyrdom of one Saddam-Hussein will take place suspiciously near the Imam Hussein mythical one back in the Hijri 10th of Muharram, 680 AD.

This post is delievered to you in the accompaniment of the Imam Hussein's Arbaieen, which is an Arab tradition to honor the 40th day after the mourning day of the actual date for the person's death. Preferably listen to this flagellation piece while reading, and also, it doesn't hurt to check out this new item about Saddam's upcoming bio-(e)pic, wattnun madda!

Imam Hussein, the eternal revolutionnary, the ship of safety, the ongoing crusade against tyranny all across the world, and Saddam Hussein, the very crystallization of all the principles against the historical Imam fought for, and lost, and died.

Coming from parallel universe these two men might be, but there is one enchanting similarity between the two which I felt interesting to share with you.

In 680 AD, Muwaiya, the caliph, has designated his son, Yazid, as his heir, hinting about an intention to hold a dynasty, a first occurence in the new Islamic state. Most of the Muslims, either grudgingly or not, wishing no further bloodshed, agreed upon this, a few prominent figures in Mecca tried to delay the matter of their response, and Imam Hussein was one of them, twenty years earlier, Imam Hussein's father, the celebrated Imam Ali, had fought a bloody civil war with Muawiya, Ali's forces were centered in Kufa, the first Islamic city built in Iraq, and his army was called the Iraqi army, while Muawiya was the emir of Sham (Levant, modern day Jordan, Syria, Palestine and Lebanon), and his army was called Shammi army, Imam Ali was almost victorious when the stubborness of his own men brought him into a stalemate, all his attempts to rekindle the vigour and zeal of rightesouness afterwards fell on deaf words, and he was so sick of them that at the end he wished that he never came to them. After Ali was killed by a renegade force of his own army, his elder son, Imam Hasan, being a peace-lover and seeing that his shaky, reluctant troops were no match for Muawiya's suave political abilities, settled on ending the war and that Muawiya becomes Caliph. As soon as Yazid assumed caliphate however, Imam Hussein began receiving letters from his father's followers in Kufa, urging him to come to them and declare rebellion, being eager to reclaim his rightful title, he ignored all advice about the riff-raff nature of the Kufians, and that they were the same people who failed his father two decades ago, he marched to Kufa in 680 AD, and sent his cousin, Muslim bin Aqeel, as a scout to look into the matter, at that time, Hussein's followers were nearly 18,000 men in Kufa. The Umayyads would not remain silent over this dangerous threat, having just sustained their foothold back in the upper layer of the Arab society after a lull of 40 years, and they knew the reluctance of the Kufians well, the emir of Kufa, Ubaidullah Bin Zeyad, sent his own men into the masses and they began discouraging people skillfully by threats and promises, and pretty soon enough the once proud force Aqeel gathered dwindled to about thirty men, and he was shortly killed thereafter. Hussein was on route upon hearing the news, and shortly thereafter he was intercepted and prevented from returning back whence he came, and was savagely killed with his 80 men by the very same followers of his in the Battle of Kerbala, not a single soldier of the army which surrounded him was from Sham, all were Iraqis.

The Iraqis would soon feel regret for their shameful actions, and little by little people would come and visit his shrine, feeling an alarming guilt consicence that only got bigger and bigger over the years...

This is the story of Imam Hussein, it is the final straw that broke the unity camel's back of the Muslim nation and it still embarrasingly is a source of tensions that plague us until today.

The story of Saddam Hussein, however, is the stuff of which black comedies of the darkest of the dark are made of, The moustached man has spent the better part of his last years in seeking a monument to retain his personal majesty, he tried all the tried methods: writing glorious roman a clefs, erecting huge Nebuchanedzzar-like monuments where every brick has his initials,or going on a campaign of a Saddam statue for every Iraqi of the 28 million inside the blasted little country. Before, he was a mere tyrant, yes, he was feared by some, respected by others, but by a little extraordinary performance at the gallows, Saddam, always the showman, has climaxed an inventive carrier at the little screen and has achieved the one thing he has purusing all his lifetime, Saddam is now a mythical figure in the Arab folklore, one who is now looked for between the heavenly celestial bodies, or by his assprint on the moon, one whose soul is sensed in the gatherings of nationalistic conferneces. And what could you do but laugh and hoot at the sight of a nation which spans from the Atlantic to the Pacific, toasting for the memory of a man who enslaved, killed, committed genocide, and just about tortured his country in every possible way?

Saddam's similarity with Imam Hussein is in that Arabs today are doing for Saddam Hussein what Shiites did for Hussein some 1300 years ago, treating him with a reluctant zeal born not from that is mostly indifference while he was alive, but once he is dead - he is immediately subscribed with the pantheon of the holies, each in their comparative league, of course. There are justifications for this, Both Shiites back then and Arabs today are on the losing side, when you lose, you tend to search for answers in your own ideology and immediately begin demonizing the other side (Jews/Americans in our case, all Sunni rulers in Shiites case) as fearfully as possible, of course, Imam Hussein is an immediate grandson for the Prophet Muhammed, and this is simply too tempting to just dangle about in the air for people who are getting persecuted mercilessly during the Abbasid and Umayyad times, so the addition of a few supernatural flairs such as knowning the future and the doom of his adventure but doing it anyway, adding those traits to his already growing mystique was not only predictable but almost inevitable. Saddam Hussein, to his unfortunate luck, was born in unmythical times, and this would limit his stature to a mere hero and national pride for the Arab nation - the Arab world is currently locked in the mentality that America is a direct or indirect enemy, due to their support for Israel, and they seek people who can recompsenate our own idleness and reliance on Western products and culture everywhere in people such as Saddam Hussein, who stands defiantly in the face of his blank executioner, who looked cowardly in sock he wore over his head. For in the Arab mind, another Battle of Kerbala has taken place, only televised and brought to the living room, right before their naked eyes, indeed, if anything, why is not the United States Yazid I, in his far-reaching tyranny, and why is not Nuri al-Maliki, why, Ubaidallah bin Ziyad, the cruel emir of Kufa, and what comes if indeed Saddam Hussein, is the Hussein bin Ali, the martyr of justice and the redeemer of religion, reincarinated?

Let us suppose that hypothetically Iran goes crazy and invades all the Arab countries, liberating Shiites everywhere and resurrecting the glories of anceint Persia, would not Saddam Hussein be fondly remembered, reverred, and perhaps, if we were living a few thousand years back, semi-worshipped?


Baghdad, 2712 AD

We all huddled as the oracle was beginning her tale, she would tell it exactly the way she heard it from her mother, who heard it from her own mother, generation to generation, we pass the maqtal to future generations, we love it, and it is a way of our life, and we listen, ponder and cry for our own ailment. The days when our country was not yet awashed by the invaders from the west and the east, back when a cursed thing called oil was still in our country, before the great darkness began. On the light of the candle lamp, the oracle's features were grim, her eyes closed, and then suddenly she opened her eyes and began to tell the tale:

"In a small village in Tikrit, back when the times were pleasant and the meadows were yet green, happiness was filling the land and birds were chirping in the skies, a boy was born in the darkest of nights, and suddenly the moon came in full behind the raining clouds, and the glorious life-affirming cries of the small child came to open the silence. The mother stood silent and happy watching the baby in the father's arms...
"What shall we name him?"
"Crusher (Saddam), because he shall crush the unjust enemies."
and thereby comes the prophecy of the ancient prophet Mohammed, peace be upon be him, true, for he once said: "There comes a great darkness over my nation, when will grows scarce and the night grows long, but then comes Sadim*, and he refills the land with justice as it was filled with injustice, before he is lifted to his creator, and then injustice gets its chance to reign superme."

Sabreen al-Janabi

I'm sure you've all heard about the 20-year-old Sabreen al-Janabi, a Sunni woman who said that had been raped by US-supported Iraqi soldiers during the ongoing Operation Law & Order, suprisingly, there hasn't been much activity regarding the topic on the Iraqi blogosphere, with the exception of the predictable post by Truth About Iraqis, and a rare appearance by superstar Riverbend.

Before I add my own opinion regarding the topic, here is a special treat, I have spent the better part of yesterday adding subtitles to the video and I have put it now live on YouTube here:


There has been much debate regarding those claims, it eventually boiled down to this headline: "Rape or Not, Depends on whether you're Sunni or Shiite", nobody bothers to examine the evidence, as everyone immediately reads every news item in his own particular agenda, the very dangerous essence of civil war.

First let us examine the evidence supporting the claim:

It is not unlikely for Iraqi soldiers to commit such acts, It is my own personal belief that Iraqi soldiers are usually worse than US soldiers, and it would be a typical and quite in-character act if they broke into a house and found a woman alone to rape her. The woman's story was detailed and it had emotion in it, when I first saw her, I found her convincing.

Nothing much to add above that.


But as I sat down to translate it, which makes me in direct contact with every sentence and every nuance, all the fishiness came in the way.

First, like dear Riverbend here would say, it is highly unusual for an Iraqi woman to appear on television and to tell a story of her own rape. It is an emotional hellride and it brings shame to the entire family and tribe, usually when a woman is raped, she is silent, ostracized and may be even killed by her own family to spare her of the shame, the matter is settled through tribal feuds and war. Riverbend goes on to expostulate that this exemplifies Sabreen's own personal bravery. But I beg to differ, first, the girl's accent is very countryside, and those people usually stick to the traditions I mentioned above, they don't think in such a way of exposing the truth live in front of millions of viewers, all they care about is to silence the matter. Sometimes they would hold public mourning ceremonies, as if she was actually dead. Had the girl been educated or civil maybe her and her family would have felt compelled to talk about it. But Sabreen not only told her story pubicly and on al-Jazeera, of all stations, she actually had the nerve to recount very graphic details of her rape without the expected emotionality - no self-respecting tradition-abiding parent-observing girl would talk about her rape in the very graphic and vulgar way that she did, she literally said 'he grabbed my tit' without any difficulty, and then she said what can be loosely translated as something the feel of 'I'm not one of them bitches'. No woman would talk like this in front of her parents, let alone the world. I myself woud probably kill my sister if she talked like this, well not kill, but you get the emotion. Third, the timing of the rape seemed very controversial, right in the middle of the security plan, the claim could be bolstered if one knows that Sabreen al-Janabi's father have links with al-Qaeda, check out this news item.

I thought that al-Maliki's reaction was somewhat fishy as well, had it been outright denial it would've reminded me of the way Baqir Solagh denied the Badr Corps out-in-the-open crimes and is something the diplomacy of our Iraqi government is made of, had the rape actually occured, why would al-Maliki deny it and bring to himself a whole extra mess of troubles, and on top of that reward the rapists? The fact is that he didn't deny it at first, the initial statement seemed intent on finding those responsible and having maximum penalites inflicted upon them, al-Maliki was trying to send the message that he knows such things could happen and that his soldiers aren't the stuff of angels, something Riverbend/TAI neglected to mention.

Rape is common, and what it occurs, the family distance itself from the woman, especially if they are a traditional family, it is very rare that you would hear of a story of a woman raped, and when it does get out in the open, the family is not very intent on talking about it everywhere, for instance, here is a 22-year-old Christian woman, Luana, whose story is almost identical to Sabreen, she is Christian, she doesn't hold necessary those severe traditions regarding rape, and yet even she wasn't so compelled to talk about it. All I heard of her was a small story on IraqiSlogger. The fact that she was Christian might also explain why nobody cared about her.

No, Sabreen's story is very fishy, her actions un-Iraqi, and her story is clearly orchestrated for maximum effect, check out the part where she says: 'I asked them why are chasing women? and he replies: This is mut3a', in my subtitles, I overlooked this and simply translated mut3a literally 'leisure', but the word has other connotations: Mut'a marriage is a controversial Shiite-only practice where a man and a woman have an Islamically-correct marrige that only lasts for hours or days, Sunnis regard this similar to people who want to commit adultery and finding a loophole in their Islam contract, anti-Shiite slanders are for example: The Son of Mut3a. Her metnion of the word reminded me of the huge clearly false allegations over a fake Muqtada al-Sadr statement about a group of women who want to have group mut3a with Mahdi Army fighters in Shiite mosques so that they be 'zealous for killing Sunnis'.

Give me a break!
and as usual the Arab nation did the usual uproar, Adnan al-Dulaymi trembled like a teapot, Mish'aan al-Juboori re-broadcast the clip 25/7, and the media war rages on and on.

Iraqi Jokes

Ever since I read Isaac Asimov's short-story Jokester about the origins of jokes, I've always harbored an obscurely academic fascination with the circumstances surrounding jokes. This article will try to discuss how jokes against various ethnic/sectarain denominations have developed and evolved through the course of years.

The major targets in an Iraqi joke are (arranged by popularity):

1. Kurds (Before I was born)
2. Dulaymis (1999 - present)
3. Shroogis (60s - present)
4. Maslawis (??)
5. Nassiriya (??)
6. Sectarain (??? but heightned after 2006)


Let us start with sectarain jokes since that is the hot stuff nowadays, first, the sectarain jokes are not popular due to the way Iraqi society is made up, to even mention sects was usually an insult frowned upon in many circles, and it was not until post-US invasion that the words 'Sunni' and 'Shiite' have slipped out of the Pandora's Box that is Iraq unto the common everyday kitchen be it in Iraq or the Middle East. But why are sectarain jokes offensive and the widespread jokes against Kurds not? That is not to say that jokes against Kurds are not offensive, but I think that it's because sectarain jokes directly touch religion, always a bad subject to make fun of in the Middle East. In Shi'ism for example, it is commendable to insult, curse or make fun of certain Islamic figures who are, hey presto, lauded as the highest of the high in Sunni Islam. This paradox renders many jokes into a hostile light unparralleled by a joke making fun of Kurds, Maslawis, or Dulayms which simply mock fallible human traits like slowness or cheapness, as those recipients would usually grin sociably when said jokes are being made. Sectarain jokes do not make fun of those traits, and since they are only circulated in closed circles, they are usually very offensive and unfunny.

What often annoys me is that Western audiences think that the Middle Eastern society is actually Islamic in look and in spirit, this is a far cry from the truth, Middle Eastern societies are largely hypocritical in nature. The majority do not follow religious lines of living but they respect it in a nominal way, it's more like: 'Yes let's do the sexy dance, but let's keep it a secret.' I have heard many jokes against Allah and Islam and when they are said they are often met with great joy. An anti-Shiite joke targeting religious figures is hugely offensive in Sunni communities as well, but that doesn't mean they don't exist - After the 1991 Shiite revolution, the effective Baathist propaganda began releasing anti-Shiite jokes that directly insult highly venerated figures in both Sunni and Shiite traditions, these jokes have the qualities of a bully, not particularly clever and downright mean and cruel, for example this sums up a perfectly Baathist-style joke:

"Allah and Mohammed were playing marbles, and then Ali came, the two immediately screamed: Ahoooooo, here comes the cheater!"

Here's another one that's even more mean:

"A Sunni man married a Shiite woman, they agreed that he names the girls and she names the boys, they had three sons and sure enough she named them Ali, Hasan and Hussein. When the fourth child was a girl the man named her 'Bitch', when asked why, he said: 'So I can say: O Brothers of the Bitch! (Ya Khawat il Ka7ba, a popular Iraqi curseword.)"

I have never, ever heard of a joke against Sunnis from any of my friends, such is the nature of our society. The only anti-Sunni jokes are know I have listened to from the Internet, here is one by Hassan Shahata, an Egyptian Azhar scholar who converted to Shi'ism. It tells a great deal that this joke was actually said in a mosque:

"On Judgement day, Abu Bakr and Omar were sentenced to hell as expected, but they went to the Prophet Mohammed who, ever the merciful, intercessed with Allah and Allah forgave them for urusping Ali's right and granted them into Paradise. After a while, Abu Bakr asked Omar: "I wonder what happened to our friends Khalid, al-Mughieera, and Sa'ad, what do you say if we go and take a look?", so Omar accepted, upon entering Hell, an Angel on guard said that Ali is the guardian of the gate and they must request a pass from him, so they went and Ali gave them the pass. The two saw and conversed with their friends and after a while got bored and wanted to leave, but to this Imam Ali said: 'Man, where do you think you're going? You have entered, but whoever said that you are going to leave?' "

The joke is not even funny, but it was met by uproarious laughter by the Shiites in the Qum mosque , as it basically supports all the credentials of their faith.

The jokes also can target Abu Haneefa, the most important Sunni shrine in Baghdad (in my old area Adhamiya), Shiites have a tradition of spitting on the direction of the grave when they pass him by, and they sometimes call him Abu Haneecha (a very rude Iraqi swearword, meaning fuck him)Here's an offline message I got from a Shiite friend in Najaf, it's in Arabic verse so it may not be :

'Abu Haneefa (May Allah be pleased with him) once said: O Hear ye, A man comes who hate me, and everyday he curses me, he shows you the Shidah (difficulty), and dump your bodies in Saddah, His eyes are sood (black), and he wears a tracksuit, brave and hard to enjira'a (swallow), his name is Abu Diraa, the signs of this warta (catastrophe), the emergence of a batta (car used by gunmen often, a Toyota Corona).

Here is a joke circa 2004 that involves Shiites, Sunnis and Americans:

"An American soldier was observing the Mahdi Army beating up people (this was when they weren't killing anybody yet) on the street, they watched as they cornered a man and was about to beat the shit out of him when he said: 'O by Ali's name let me go', on hearing this, the Mahdi folks let him go, the soldier thought this was a cultural Iraqi phrase and memorized it as it may come in handy. the next day he was transferred to Falluja, and wouldn't you know it, 30 minutes later he was at the mercy of the Mujahideen (insurgency), remembering the phrase, he said: 'O by Ali's name, let me go!', the Mujahideen looked at each other and said: 'Holy Cow! Not only is he an American infidel, but he's also a Shiite! BOOM BOOM BOOM."

Kurds: Kurds have always been picked upon, I do not know the political or social factors that led to this becuase it is so far back, before the Ba'ath regime came to existence.

1. They're not particularly exclusive to Iraqis, as Kurdish jokes delight comes from a humanly universal fact: stupidity.
2. It also use the word 'Kaka' a lot, which means 'brother' in Kurdish.

Examples:
Guy: Kaka, Do you like bananas?
Kurd: Kaka, banana is delicious, but it has a very big seed.

A Kurd asked the hand of a girl, the father asked him: Do you smoke? He said: No, but sometimes when I get drunk with a couple of whores I smoke a little weed.

Here's how a moron joke is imported from another culture:
A Kurd saw a Marlboro ad and was so affected that he bought a horse

Some use present day movements to liven up an otherwise stale joke, such as:

How did Ansar al-Islam catch the pornographic film at the Kurdish guy's collection? He had put it in the sports section marked Brazil 1 - Sulaymaniya 5

Most of the Kurdish jokes today have developed to focus on the Iraqi president Jalal Talabani, partly because he himself have encouraged the notion by launching a self-mocking array of jokes whenever possible.

Here's a famous poem said by Jalal Talabani during an interview:

We got no cane, no mats, and no bardi
On top of all that, the president is Kurdi

Dulayms: Since 2000, Dulaymis replaced Kurds as the Iraqi comedian's favorite slowhead, Dulaym is one of the most important Sunni tribes in Iraq (it's also the tribe of Adnan al-Dulaymi, Sunni bloc head), there are various reasons as to why they were the target of soooo many jokes, but it is of little doubt that the Ba'ath regime was the prime instigator of these jokes, I once had a friend who was the son of a military intelligence member, and he was such a funny and charismatic personality that he could tell you joke after joke and you won't feel tired, one thing he said one day caught my attention: 'Man, we sell these jokes', the Ba'ath regime has a competent propaganda machine that steered something whenver they feel like it - the jokes were embraced by all Iraqis: Sunnis and Shiites at that time. Some say that the leader of the Dulaym tribes once rejected Saddam's cigar at a meeting, saying: This is not the time to smoke, and others mention the little known Dulaym revolution against Saddam which was started because of the butchery of a certain important Dulaymi tribesman by Saddam's henchmen (but that incident dates a little farther than 2000).

Dulaymi jokes are of all the same qualities as Kurdish jokes, stupidity and slowness is emphasised to a great degree - all Dulayms back then in our classroom were subject to all sorts of insults....

A Dulaymi said to his father: O father, I want her to be white and tall...his father brought him a 20-foot fridge.

Dulayms are playing chess, whenever a soldier dies they hold a 3-day mourning ritual.
Dulayms were playing chess, one said: Hey, I just killed your elephant...the other went out and then returned shortly saying proudly: And I poisoned all your cattle!
A Dulaym was asked by the teacher: Who was the prophet that spoke to animals? Dulaymi said: Prophet Tarazan (PBUH).

Why did the Kurds and Dulayms become extinct? Too many jokes.

Maslawis: Maslawis are people who hail from Mosul, they have a very unique accent that is closer to Syrian than Iraqi, and the jokes that target Maslawis are the same as, surprise, the ones targeting the Scots and Jews. CHEAP. I am a half-Maslawi, and I can tell you that Maslawis are actually pretty generous, the reasons behind this are also as ancient as the ones behind the Kurds.

How did the American soldier from his Apache know this house was a Maslawi's? He saw a handkerchief on the clothesline.

Why don't Maslawis go to hospitals? The door says 'PUSH'. (PUSH is the same word as PAY in Arabic.)

A Maslawi's father died. The ad ran: Father Dead, Car for Sale.

3. Shroogis: Shroogi literally means 'a person from the East', it distinctly refers to people coming from the southe-eastern governorate of Ammarah, when they started to drive in huge numbers in Baghdad during the 1960s, and currently they reside at Sadr City- but generally this refers to everyone who hails from the southern governorates, jokes targeting Shroogs naturally focus on their illiteracy, dirtiness and ignorance.

A Shroog took a urine analysis. The nurse said: Your urine is sugary, he said: and your shit is honey.

A Shroogi shepherd got married,after being silent for a while on the bed with his wife he decided to break the ice and said: "You wouldn't know about any good sheep around here, would you?"

After a while the Shroogi wanted to flirt with her again...so he said: 'Do you see the moon?'
She said yeah, he said 'The smell of your armpits reach over there...'


A Shroogi called the police, angrily he mouthed: God Damn it, they stole the fuckin' steering wheel and dashboard of my car!!!! Five minutes later, he called again: Sorry guys, I was at the backseat.


4. Nassiriya: Nassiriya jokes are some of my favorites because they deal with the mischievious malignance of Nassiriay people, technically they are also Shroogis but all their jokes are different.

A Nassiriyan became the police officer, he changed the police code from 911 to 0983109343872321234.

A Nassiriyan Imam went to the institute for blind men, his lecture was 'The Joy of Sight.'

Three Nassiriyans agreed to rob a bank, the first to knock out the guards, the second to unlock the safe and the third to call the police.

A Nassiriyan went to see a movie, he found only one guy in the whole hall, he sat behind him and would say every once in a while: 'Please, sir, your head, I'm trying to watch.'

A guy died and went to the heavens, the first thing he saw was a giant tree , after asking a nearby angel, he knew that this tree represents the faith of mankind, a leaf fell, he asked what is this? the angel said: A guy in the USA named Jeffrey Thomas has just lost his faith in God. another leaf fell, he asked again, who is this? The angel said: A guy in Japan named Oi-Wun has just cursed God. A few minutes later, there was a giant rumble from the tree and a whole bunch of leaves came tumbling down...Panicked, the guy asked: What is this? The angel said: Electricity went down in Nassiriya and everybody cursed God.

Sam Aziz vs Khalid Jarrar: Progressive vs Hardline

The Iraqi bloggers Google group, sadly like our absent blog-critic Semiramis says, has been reduced to another typical forum plagued with knock-knock jokes of all shapes and kinds (just who is this Irakien Rana anyway :) ?), however, I must say that I have found the first meaningful conversation just yesterday, when Sam Aziz posted a link to an interview with a Bahrini Shi'ite cleric called Dh'iaa al-Mossawi (translated):

If you don't have time to watch it, the man is the sort of a more tolerant, peaceful cleric with a somewhat universal vision of religious co-existence, he listens to classical music and he has pictures for Jesus Christ, Martin Luther King and Gandhi in his house, he says of the latter that we need to plant his 'genes' in the youth of Muslims, he refuses rhetoric such as the 'Jews, grandchildren of pigs and abes' stubbornly, and greatly criticises the backward ideological 'gallows' of current Islamic stagnation thought.

For people like Khalid Jarrar, a really nice guy but also a more traditional Islamist with all the predictable America, West and everything it stands for = Great Satan ideology, this was too much to bear, he replied in the thread that this guy was basically a wolf in sheep's clothing and that he's probably been in the West and is preaching a version of Islam for which America would love and is simply 'poison in the honey.'

I completely support al-Mossawi in every possible way, his black turban is the sort I would like to see, and sadly, isn't found or sold much lately - Islam is a great, great, great, great religion but unfortunately its people have greatly misunderstood it in every possible way, when we settled for being the greatest thing ever on the piece of earth, a mistake committed by Jews a looong time ago, we became content with what we are and we simply believe that everything our culture has is the be-all-end-all for humanity, again a common mistake - so that when Western culture came smacking us from our long slumber and took Palestine away, like all ideological losers in history we started to call everything they have as having Satanic connotations, that everything they do is a conspiracy and that we are always the poor people kicked around - True, we have been kicked around, but the major problem is not in them, it's in us - we need to admit our stupidity, arrogance and defeat and change our dirty, violent, stubborn youth into creative and understanding people that Islam needs to be built upon, we need more people like Dhi'aa al-Mossawi and Amro Khalid, those are the social reformists for which I have the greatest hope for and who I am betting on - lay down your weapons, we won't beat the Jews yesterday or in a million years if we keep on our hypocrisy, we must change ourselves first.

Look at the thread here, and tell us what do you think:

Iraqi Resistance and the US plan

Dear reader,

I'm gonna tell you something that all the Iraqis who pretend they're full of pride and shit don't tell you, every Iraqi who knows what's good for him wants the US military plan to happen - it's a known fact today that while US soldiers do occasionally rape 15-year-olds and add naked photos of our hairy butts to their family albums, they are still infintely more trustworthy than any Iraqi soldier from anywhere. When an American soldier knocks on your door for a search, you go 'oh thank god' but when Iraqis do the same, you are instantly on your toes. Forget about all those Iraqis and Arab bloggers who live outside or have never been in there recently, they don't know what it is like - Iraq is dead - we are living in a newfound, and very real, age of sect. The intellects and all the other deadbeats like you and me who do nothing but bitch about how Iraq is great and how we had a beautiful country before the war are having a hard time accepting this, but they're going to have to deal with it.
The American forces are the only forces that are to be relied upon in Iraq, as sloppy and careless as they are, because they don't have anything personal against Abu Haneefa or Musa al-Kadhim, I may have comitted national blasphemy by saying this, but it's 100% better to be honest than a nationalist hypocritical asswipe like most Arabs and Iraqis are. First step towards healing is diagnosis. I really hope they completely remove Sadr City and Adhamiya from the map.

Adhamiya

Ahh, my age-old district. How much I loved you and how much today I come to despise you, for harboring all those Saddamists and criminals who masqueraded under the glorious name of resistance, yes I did support them but only because I was afraid of the Anees & Badr Corps.
The other day, during the same day when Zeyad's brother reported a death of his neighbor, I actually lost a relative, the holy rockets which have been blissfully directed by the Hidden Imam, may Allah hasten his alarm clock, has finally managed to kill my aunt's husband's brother. You wanna hear something funny?

He was a Shiite, 100% to the bone, and the only Shiite linegae in our honest-to-Abu Haneefa Sunni family.

How I got the news? I woke up at 7 AM the next day, my mother came and told me immediately....I have cried like crazy over my four dead friends, and I was very upset about the death of a number of people, but that day I glanced uninterestingly...and then I shrugged, I said: 'Serves him right. He should've went out of the hellhole a long time ago.'

The fact that I didn't even bother to write about it then gives you an idea of how much emotional I got all about it. Death is to us a fact of life - examine the beautiful irony in the previous sentence. How did I become like this? I have attained the languid unconsciousness of an assassin with all the insecrutiy and the tight-sealed anger sown deep down inside. I am ready to do atrocities without flipping an eyelid if you want me to. Maybe if I was stupid and immature I would've already been with the rest of em, carrying an AK-47 I don't know how to use correctly in front of our local mosque, praying very little and cursing very much while exchanging short semi-porno clips on my latest Nokia mobile. Glorious be my crusade nevertheless, for I am an Iraqi Resistance.


Here are some of my other news which I didn't care much to say :

About a month ago, another college friend of mine was near killed in a bus stop, he was riding a minivan heading towards a Shiite district, al-Jowadir, when the beloved Iraqi resistance came and showered everyone with the bullets of mercy, ending their pitiful existence as sheep waiting for the slaughter, the bullet has come for you, Nameer - but Nameer had a thick butt, and the bullets couldn't get through him - they tore through every non-critical part of his body but they left his heart, lungs, head and penis intact, so he could continue to live as a decent human-being - he did lose his left hand though, and he is a lefty.
As Borat would've said : "High Five!"...oops, sorry I forgot you don't have a hand anymore.

and also I forgot to mention the lovely incident of Ubada, another college friend of mine who is also a glorious resident in Adhamiya, and precisely at the Sifeena, home of the most glorious freedom fighters - this Ubada is a bearded guy with blue eyes who likes to frequent the mosques and distribute Sunni bloc Accordance Front fliers, and one day his pop tells him to go bring something from his auntie's empty house, as she was a smart woman and left Iraq about a few months ago, little did poor Ubada know, but the house was rigged by the beautiful Iraqi resistance in case the infidels come in to try and search it.

The limbs that were once Ubada were collected and buried at Abu Haneefa mosque, so long, martyr, too bad you didn't have any pussy in your short 21-years-old life while you were busy doing all that mosque touring, well, maybe in heaven with your 77,000 virgins.

Shiite Flagellation & Heavy Metal

10th Muharram is the biggest day ever for Shiite religion, more so important than the two holy Eids, more important than prayer, more important than pilgrmige, it is the most important day ever. The day Hussein was killed in Karbala, some 1400 years ago. Here are some widespread practices during this day:

Maseer (March) Shiite pilgrims walk from everywhere towards Karbala, in a symbolic cememoration of Hussein's march towards that accursed city with 74 of his family and women and children(why?) to meet the Umayyad army. While this practice was present in individual patterns, it did not become widely adopted until 1970.

Flagellation At its most extreme, Shi'ism rituals can be as severe and ominous as any Opus Dei around - Flagellation or Latum is the beating of chests in unison to the rhythm of a sung verse by a radood, a person who recites a poem usually about the death of a Shiite religious figure, be it Ali, Fatima, Hussein, Zainab, Abbas and even recently, the destruction of the reverred Askari shrines in Samarra. The beating of chest is a traditional Arab way of showing grief, mostly performed by women.

Tatbeer or (head-splitting) This practice is derived from the way Imam Ali was killed, while he was praying dawn when a person called Bin Muljim killed him by a sword which hit his forehead. As a form of solidarity and remembrance, a mutabir brings a sword to his forehead and gently stabs with the wide sheath of the sword - blood usually spurts in great lengths, eventually covering the whole person in blood, it is one of the most controversial and sickening practices, and has been introduced by a Turkish brigade coming from the Kaukaz.

Tashbeeh or Re-enactment Those are convoys which re-enact the battle of al-Taff with great detail, from the beginning of the battle until the decapitation of Imam Hussein. This was imported from Iran at the end of the 18th century.

All these practices above are considered the most iconic, graphic representations of Shi'ism today. In particular the flagellation, Most religious Shia scholars condemn all these acts, but all their edicts against them have been met with disapproval and rejection, and sometimes even anger. Religion sometimes opposes thinking, and as the majority of Shiites in Iraq are common and poor, they oppose rationalization and follow only emotion, and consider this as an unthinkable practice that may be for some people the most important, and basically the nutshell, of religion, to try and shed the most tears in hope of getting the intercession of the holy figure they are mourning. The scholars had to grudgingly accept this, a scholar once said: 'The truth of Islam has been lost between the Sunni and Shi'ite scholars, Sunnis followed the whims of the ruler, and Shiites followed the whims of the people." There are also other reasons for this complete disobedience, The Ashura ceremonies is a massive group-activity that invokes feelings of strength and identity, it is the only purely Shia activity to be practiced on such a massive scale, and anything against it will fall on deaf ears. This is why Shiite political factions greatly pushed this exercise after post-Saddam war, despite the unfortuante result of so many people being exposed as an easy prey for any would-be malignant force, despite repeated terrorist attacks which killed many people in 2003 and 2004, Shiites politicians have stubbornly pushed people to practice them, as if Shi'ism is all about this - a foolish show of defiance. Also, a whole trade has been created around these practices, it is interesting to notice that most of the people who actually perform those flagellations and tatbeers are from the dregs of society and the lowest of lows, and have nothing to do whatsoever with religion. It's more about identity and the ominous flair of the processions.

Today, religion is all about big show, most of Iraqis (and Arabs) are not traditional Muslims in the sense, most of them think about sex more often than God.

Admittedly, those processions are somewhat exotic in their own way, any serious fan of violent, angry music should give Shia latmiyas a go, once you get past all that initial disgust and bypass all religious identification, try to look at it as you would look at Greek mythologies or read the Odysseus. It's got plenty of cool stuff: a plethora of sad, dark melodies ; hordes of epic battles between Good and Evil, with Evil always victorious - and also, it sends shivers down one's spine when you remember that the only musical instrument being used, the oddly time-signatured precussion is made by thousand hands beating down a thousand chests. Look at this frightening verse from a latmiya about the death of Imam Ali:

and you are Death, on the day of Death, when Death
obeys your every wish and command.
Everyone who would hear of your tales
would tremble in fear, of your presence

Yowza!

The most famous Shia performer is undoubtedly superstar Bassim al-Karbalie, I think he is one of the best performers I've ever heard - his poems greatly use a tool which Western Music could only dream of having: the quarter-note.

Blood, violence, darkness, epic battles, long-hidden secrets. Screw Maiden, man! Of course, it's kinda frightening that some people actually believe this shit, but then again, what more could you possibly want?

Iraq In Fragments

I have had the pleasant opportunity to watch two Iraq documentaries made by James Longley, one of them, the 60-minute Iraq In Fragments, won several awards, including the Sundance Best Doc 2006 as well as being sidelined for Oscar, it's shot in the three major 'fragments' of Iraq, Sunni center, Shia south and Kurdish north, in the 2003-2004 period, the second documentary is much less shorter, at 21 minutes, which follows the story of a countryside mother which tries to find consolation for her small HIV-infected child, called Sari's Mother.

Iraq In Fragments (watch trailer here)
As a budding filmmaker myself, the first thing that struck me about this film was its sense of beauty and detail. Kurt Vonnegut said: 'The main objective of artists is to make fellow human beings appreciate being alive at least a bit more.", and when I gaze at these dirty, commoplace streets and signs that I never once batted an eye against while I was living there, I am genuinely delighted by the way Longley treats them, with care and beauty, it makes you feel significant to have been part of it. Director James Longley certainly has an eye for detail, and this documentary is chock-full of emphasis on poetic scenery, rather than becoming one of those docus whose most important objective is facts, often using people as nothing more than talking heasd, this documentary addresses a very important problem in the current coverage of Iraqi war: personalization of the Iraqis, something which have baffled and annoyed me for quite some time, the world must know that those "10 people killed" who appear everyday on the newsticker were once living, breathing humans who had stories, mothers, daughters, ambitions and dreams behind them. We are humans in as much as you are.

The documentary starts in Baghdad, in a ghetto area near Sheikh Abdul-Kadir al-Gilani, an important Sunni shrine, it follows 11-year-old Mohammed, a fatherless boy who works as a shop assistant in a dirty car-repair shop. His story is nothing special, as he treks around the few places which form his environment: his school, shop and home, but it is also the most fascinating part of the documentary. Before I watched the documentary, I read James Langely saying on his website that Mohammed was chosen partly because he had a 'Dickensian' quality about him. I was skeptical about this, but the description doesn't do justice enough to Mohammed. This unlikely hero, a thin, dirty, downtrodden existence whose most striking feature are unescapable eyes - forever locked in a state of inner sadness that greatly expresses what his broken, three-word sentences cannot. Mohammed is a convenient and true allegory for the way most Iraqis feel. The relationship he shares with the shopowner, who sometimes cuddles him but often hits and curses him, is realistic and emotional, and is a great deal more interesting than the later alcohol raid alongside Mahdi's army milita, for example.

The second part treks with Aws al-Khafaji, Muqtada al-Sadr's representative in Nassriya during 2003-2004, it alternates between ominous Shiiite Latmiyas (flagellation) processions, one brilliant shot is of al-Khafaji overlooking the processions beating his chest in silence, and official meetings and conferences, Sadr himself appears in two conferences, as well as rival Ammar al-Hakim, greeting protestors during the march against the death of his uncle in Najaf. al-Khafaji is a a very predictable result of his environment, while his organization is a rigid one that has caused more harm in Iraq than most, you cannot help but sympathisize with him in the same way some people sympathized with Saddam Hussein, the contrast between Sadr's meancing, boorish presence and al-Khafaji is striking, al-Khafaji looks like a kind, frail person who has been whipped up by the years of torment and violence that plagued Iraq, despite their savageness - they are still Iraqis, and one cannot help but recoil in regret as to why did it have to go so wrong. This part is not as immeidate as the first one, but it does contain some interesting incidents, like the alcohol raid by the Mahdi's Army on Nassriya's market. The filmmaker actually accompanies them throughout the whole raid. After the raid, the militamen recite the Ta'jeel supplication, which had hit international news after they used it during Saddam's execution.

The third part is filmed in Kurdish Sulaymaniya, in a rural outskirt with a farmer and his children, the Kurds have no holdbacks on how they see Iraq:
"Three pieces, Sunnis, Shias and Kurds - blood has been spilled between us, and that's why we can never be united again."

In reality, those people are not very much different than the rest of the hungry, poor, backward masses of Iraq - they are also very religious, but the ethnticity is more important than the religion, you can feel how anxious they are for their future. It is also the most uninteresting part of the documentary, but it is important in showing the differences between the Kurdish north and the rest of the country.

However, I must say that I felt extremely affected by the enchanting 21-min Sari's Mother. Almost ancedotal in comparison, but compact and concise - an epic of quiet, but ever so deadly, desperation. At least as visually astonishing as the first and with the same focus on beautiful personalization, Sari's Mother is a profound, interesting and greatly moving tale of a mother who finds all doors locked up in front of her and a wonderful, smiling boy who will not be alive in a few months...tears welled up as I finished it.

The documentaries show Iraqis as mostly poor, confused people and the Americans are often depicted as aliens, shot from faraway cuddled in their convoys, which is exactly how people see them...from a political slant, the documentaries imply that all the mishap has been waylaid by the American occupation, I think this statement is half-true, as Iraqis themselves have played a great deal in the destruction of the country, the documentaries does not reveal any secrets or construct anything politically significant, it is a mere look at normal Iraqis going about their lives, but all in all, these two documentaries are important for anyone who wants to understand why are these Iraqis not so grateful for being liberated from Saddam Hussein. Go see them.

7 Taxis: Examinations Into Society

The first taxi I rode was on 10:45 AM. He was mostly silent, the only conversation we had was:

"Directly to the university?"
"Yes."
....
"Mighty cold, don't you think."
"Mmm-hmm."

----------------------------------

The second taxi I rode was on 11:10 AM. He was an old man with a knack of interfering in everything. I am with my grandmother, she wants to buy something from a poor person who sells calendars at the traffic stop.

Me : "That's expensive."
Granny : "Well, he is standing on God's door." (meaning he's really poor)
Driver: "Yes. Sure there are those people who will trick you instantly upon knowning that you are Iraqi, but this guy like the hajja here says is on God's door."
Me : "Yea."
Driver: "Poor thing, he stands there all day trying to make a living, and then they come and bust him, while the real thieves in the suits and the houses, and nobody does a thing to them."
Me: "They bust him because they can..."
I explain to him the intricate crime/begging network in Iraq.
Driver: "You know, what is happening to Iraq is that, there is a lot of money and hence everybody's fighting over it, and when a guy needs support, he coaxes all angry on Palestine."
Me : "You're right." This was an allusion to Saddam, clearly. Perhaps this guy is Jordanian, cuz usually Palestinains are gung-ho Saddamists.
Driver: "While in Palestine they are poor, they have nothing, they can't do anything."
Me : "I guess." That meant he was Palestinian. Weird.
He was a nice guy, insisted on driving us all the way to the door.

I dropped off my Grandmother at the embassy and went to do some errand at 11:15 AM, The third taxi driver was brooding, he was stone-chipped and wore a traditional Jordanian headdress like he needed to tell me something bad, but the conversation wasn't going where he wanted. We were talking about money.

Me: "But you know what I found out, money can buy everyone - there's no such thing as integrity in the world anymore."
Taxi Driver: "No such thing. My friend, are you Iraqi?"
"Yeah"
"Those people you were saying are not all people, there are still people who are genuine, who will not give up their traditions." His accent was bedouin, which suggested something important about his origins.

A guy in a Land Cruiser was reversing his car nearby, the taxi driver took the chance and belted out what he really needed to say.

"Goddamm peasant thinks he's rich, those Palestinians, let me tell you about them - they shied away from their lands, sold it to the Israelis, like a bunch of faggots, and they come here coaxing like they got a lot of money. Son of a bitch - You were plowing farms all your life...you look at me son when I tell you, these people can be sold at the whim, but the genuine article (it wasn't hard to know who he was referring to by that) keeps to his pricinples and traditions. They come in here with their fake phoney modern accents 'A'ollak' wu 'Ulu' and all that, while we talk in the genuine Arab tongue, like you Iraqis."

I just nodded.

"Look at my haircut, this is how we cut, but these Palestinains, see their haircuts, all standing and i don't know what (spikey, but he doesn't know how to say it), and their women, those are the women who wear tight and can be bought while their parents don't care, but our women, they are true religious and wear Islamic dress."

"Okay, I think so."


1:00 PM, The fourth taxi driver was resilient and silent. We both listened to a religious lecture about Umm al-Mo'mineen Hafsa, followed by Quranic recitations.

1:45 PM, The fifth was almost a re-thinking of the fourth, I continued to listen to the recitiation.


3:40 PM, The sixth was a bearded guy that screamed Islam. But he was easygoing and nice, this combination reminds me of my father's old friends, who have a favourable impression on my childhood.

Me: "So what do you think about Iraq?"
Taxi: "When the fitna (tensions) spreads, it spreads, and everything in the end works for the benefit of the Americans."
Me: "That's not the real problem, if we were strong people, we wouldn't have been affected, what we need today is good examples and to lessen these tensions. these horrible tensions."
Taxi: "But what brings these tensions?"
Me: "The cruelty of the leaders."
Taxi: "Exactly."
Me: "Brtutality does not solve anything, that is an old lesson learned from the days of al-Hajjaj, isn't it? You see, most people here hate Shias, but they are still Muslims just like us. right?"
Taxi: "You are absolutely correct." This was very unusual. It was my stop.

I tipped him extra.

11:30 PM, The seventh guy kept silent in a scary way, he's ask brief questions ominously that seemed to be going badly.

"My brother is Iraqi...?"
"Yes."
..........
"Where from?"
"Baghdad."
"You're Shiite, I guess?"
"What? Why? No." This was surprising, he probably wanted to lull me into assurance, but he kinda failed as he was asking in a very unnatural, careful way.
-----
"I just hear stuff about Baghdad being Shiite."
"It will be soon."
"Yeah, Shiites took it now."
"Yeah, Shiites."
....
"So I wanna know if that guy is Shiite or not, how will I?"
"Various things, name, dress, accent...you can't know unless u'r Iraqi."
....
"So, how many Sunnis are there in Iraq?"
"about 15-20%"
.....
"Hmmm...."
I was very sick of this by now. His talk rekindled memories of the taxi drivers in Iraq.
-----
"May God curse the Shiiites, you know how I know when a guy is Shiite, when he starts telling me : There's no differnece, we're all Iraqis - we're all united."
"But you should know...err...it's somewhat....true, even if they have some mistakes, they are still Muslims, you hate..er...Shiites because you have not lived with any all your life, you think that...er...you know..err...this sort of thinking is what crippled Iraq my friend."
"Yeah." He retorted, probably thinking I'm Shiite after all.

I walked out with a bad taste in my mouth, all I wanted to do was bust his head on the windshield, but I have a nature of being prudent with taxi drivers, something one learns from Iraq. I hated myself because I could not do anything about it. I am wary of all this hate, of all this name-calling when everyone is to blame.

I promise you, that on the next taxi fare, I won't shut up.