Thursday, August 18, 2005

Just A Quick Follow-Up

Hello children...

Well, i have several posts going parallel in my mind right now, but i haven't got the mood just about now so i'm going to give u a quick follow-up on my date....

two days ago, it was 12 AM and i was about to start my daily night-ritual, which involves falling asleep in front of the DVD watching F-R-I-E-N-D-S or whatever's on the TV (ain't sayin much), anyway, when suddenly i got the urge to do that most treasured late-night activity, a sacred tradition giddily carried on generation to the next, namely, prank calls.

After messing up my buddies real nice i got quickly bored and decided to send an SMS to the chick, i had this Jokes book ever since i can remember and i've memorized a few lines, and the line that i picked was nothing short of outrageously rude.

'The word of the day is LEGS, why don't we come back to my place and spread the word?'

Suicide, i know, but i assessed the situation and got the results as this : She's too risky to be with (she invited me to the fucking G-Zone for crap's sake to meet people), too unlikely and requires some effort on my part, so if i blow it quickly it would be better for both parts. Plus, if my judgement is correct, she will yield after a few apologizes and then we'd have something to talk about.
now if you knew me in person u probably know that i am very accident-prone, and the worst part of it all is that I always know what I'm doing is going to get me in trouble but I do it anyway, i sent my message and waited for hell to freeze over...
the response was really late, but it was just what i wanted, the usual HOW COULD U? shit...
anyway, i tried calling but she would refuse my calls.
The only thing left me to do is to get to speak to her, and once that is accomplished, she would be mine.
Next day, I switch my SIM card with my grandma and call her, i was going for pretending i'm one of the guys she used to work with, it was about time to see if my accent was going to work for real.

I dial-up, the phone rings for a few moments and i can feel my body growing a little intense, i go to the bathroom for privacy...
'Hello?'
'Hello....am i speaking to X please?' Very quickly in a businessman tone, or at least what i hoped it would be.
'Sorry?'
'amispeakingtoXplease?'
'uhhh....yes'
'Yes....sorry to bother you, my name is David Uterburger, i work for XYZ, i apologize again but i have some leftover reports here which i need your assistance in, so if u don't mind coming to the company tomorrow morning, say 10-ish?'
'Yeah...i think i can but i guess i have some plans to work out u know, visiting Karkuk and maybe a few of my relatives but i guess i can, couldn't u find anybody else?'
YES!
'No, sorry but u r the person for this particular job'
'Ok, what time do u want me to come?'
'10-ish, 10 o'clock tomorrow morning if u may'
'Ok, i will be there...what's your name again?'
'David...Uterburger'
'hard name'
'yeah......by the way,Kid says sorry' I didnt' say KID, i used my other nickname which 13 knows and hopefully won't spread around...

Silence
'What?'
'Kid says sorry'
'Kid from ZYX?'
'What ZYX?'
'the company he works for'
'no, not that kid, the kid u went out with two days ago'
'Oh, that kid, that stupid annoying Kid'
'yeah'
'How do u know him?' JEEZ! WHAT A DUMBASS, or my accent was very well, thankuverymuch
'Because I am him'
Silence....
i switch to arabic
'Ba3i, Ani Asaf walla chan shaka wallah'
From her tone, i already knew i was winning
'U stupid, annoying Kid, how could u? SPREAD THE WORD, u mother...'
'fucker?' she bursts out laughing
'Sorry, sorry i knew it was too harsh but..'
'Okay don't do it again'
'(laughs) u never knew me from Adam, right?'
'yeah, u r the right person for the job'
'I won't do it ever, so we're friends again?'
'Yeah sure u can call me anytime...'
'Okay, bye'
'bye'

and that, is that.
:)

5 comments:

aNarki-13 said...

Smooth.. like a bag of nails rubbed with lime going down ur throat...


aha.. now why should I spread ur name around? do you have a deathwish or sth?? come on!

:) nice one man.. had a prank call myself today, a friend i havent seen for a year called from a new number flirting with me, being the guy you know me to be, it went on close to this:


umm.. maybe I oughta post about it in my own blog.. hmm.


cheers and g'night!

aNarki-13 said...

c this quick! http://mp3.titan.am/music/

it IS me! not some fool spammer!

Daniel Kwiat said...

Dude, as I said b4, your blog is too fucking funny and good. Weird, you write English perfectly, there's not a trace that you are a foreigner; then you say phrases like "not knowing you from Adam." Is that an Iraqi phrase too? Well, I look forward to your new entries.

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