The Myth Of Sunni-Shia Unity

When you ask an Iraqi if he is Sunni or Shia, he gets annoyed and pissed off as if it is a huge insult, however, you should keep in mind that he is not insulted because he believes Sunnis and Shias are united and that we are all Muslims, he is afraid that you will realize how much of a conflict is suppressed behind closed doors, in public venues, Iraqis of various sects pretend the same moronic hypocrisy, however, as soon as they are behind closed doors they start to curse the shit out of each other's sect. Sure, Iraqis may be united by language, customs, or culture, but religion will always be a throng in that unity's foundation ; because Sunnis and Shias, religiously speaking, are mortal enemies. However, because Shias have long been oppressed, and because their vengeance is postponed until the Mahdi arrives, they have learned to go about their lives with caution, in spite of that, the Sunnis view them with the utmost distrust, and it's very easy today to visit any Shia website and read those facts. The fact is, Sunnis and Shias are hostile, and they only keep their peace because they are reluctant to speak out about their disunity. A person like Yassir al-Habib might be considered an extremist in that vein, but what he is doing is only being frank about it.

I will recount a short-short summary of the history of Islam as seen by both Sunnis and Shias, you can decide after that if there is any chance that Sunnis and Shias are united, (and which side's version is funnier.) Please remember that people who are ruling Iraq today take this very, very seriously.

1. THE SHIA VIEW (cuz it's more exciting)

Once upon a time, there was a prophet called Muhammed.

Before Muhammed died, he appointed his cousin, Ali, as his successor.

Unfortunately, a homosexual [1], scheming, bastard, early companion named Umar conspired with another prominent companion, Abu Bakr, and they usurped the caliphate.
Every companion of Muhammed agreed with them, except four, who remained Muslims (=Ali should be Caliph.)
Ali, who is infallible, naturally did not agree, he kept in his house.
the bastard homosexual and his old geezer friend Abu Bakr went to force Ali to accept their rule.
When he did not come out Umar broke the door, and held Ali's also infallible wife, Fatima, behind the door, crushing her, breaking her rib, causing her pregnant son to die, only to die six months later.
Ali, the bravest companion of all responds to all this by....grudgingly accepting their rule "to preserve the unity of Muslims, and because Muhammed told him to." You can't argue with the dead, or the divine.
On top of this, Ali actively works as a judge and an advisor for Abu Bakr and Umar.
22 years later, Ali becomes Caliph.
He is opposed by a [Sunni] Umayyad ruler called Muawiya,
Ali is killed in the battle and Muawiya rules.
Ali's son al-Hasan decides to stop the fight, because "he is infallible and you can't argue with the divine." Muawiya poisons him and gets rid of him. Muawiya dies and appoints his drunken son Yazid as successor.
As soon as this happens, Hussein, immediately decides to fight again, he marches to fight and is killed by Yazid's army, it is this battle which Shias commemorate every year with much flagellation, crying, and outcries for vengeance, as you know, Yazid wasn't a Jew or a pagan, he was a Sunni.

Hussein's son, the 4th Infallible Imam, as well as his son, are poisoned by another Sunni Umayyad called Hisham.
6th, al-Sadiq, is also poisoned by Abu Jaffar al-Mansur, the Sunni Abbasid who built Baghdad, five days after Shia assumed power in 2005, his statue in Baghdad was destroyed. (note how this link gracefully ignores this fact, thinking it is the work of the usual suspects: Americans and Zionists.)
the 7th Imam, al-Kadhum, was poisoned by the infamous Sunni caliph Harun al-Rashid.
the 8th Imam, al-Rida, was tricked by Harun's son, al-Ma'mun, who feigned Shia inclinations, only to poison him.
the 9th Imam, al-Taqqi, was posioned by Sunni caliph al-Mu'tasim, builder of Samarra.
the 10th Imam, Ali al-Hadi, was poisoned by Sunni al-Mutawwakil, on top of that, al-Mutawwkil was a supreme hater of Shias who levelled Hussein and Ali graves to the ground.
the 11th infallible....poisoned...Sunni....
the 12th, the Mahdi, hid in a cave because the Sunni Abbasids were about to kill him, he is still in hiding until today and will come out one day.
Ever since then, the Shias have been oppressed and squashed, remember that those who oppressed them were not Christians or Jews.
And so Shias call upon him to come out and set right all the injustice that have been heaped upon them, the Mahdi will resurrect all those enemies I just mentioned and kill them, he will also "kill the sons of Umayyads because of the oppression of their fathers."

******* Now for the Sunni version********
Once upon a time a Prophet Muhammed died and went to heaven.
Everyone lived happily ever after, Abu Bakr, his closest friend and companion, ruled
followed by the Prince of Believers, the one who made Islam proud, Umar
followed by Uthman, the first six years of Uthman's rule were merry.
However the Joooz could not keep quite while the Muslims expanded.
A sneaky bastard Joo called Ibn Saba pretended to be a Muslim and started inciting people against Uthman. (remember that this unknown Ibn Saba manipulated the minds of thousands of Muslims while Muhammed's most prominent companions were still alive)
He started a belief that all prophets have viceroys, and Muhammed's viceroy, Ali, was denied his rights by Uthman (and Abu Bakr and Umar)
This nobody (Ibn Sabaa) is the reason why the companions (who are all awesome) beat the shit out of each other,
And why Uthman (another awesome dude) was laid to rot for three days, even though he was one of the 10 the prophet promised paradise
And why Aisha (the wife of the prophet who the West mainly remembers for being the six-year-old bride) waged war against Ali.
Soon the Persians caught up on this and began to incorporate their own beliefs into this filthy Joo Ibn Sabaa cult, and ever since then they have been allies for anyone fighting the Muslims.
For example, The Baghdadi vizier who opened the door for Mongols was Shia, called Ibn al-Alqami.
****
Yes yes, we are all Muslims, and Iraqis have been living peacefully for thousands of years (note that most of what had happened above occured in Iraq.) Har Har. If anything, Sunnis and Shias are even more far from each other than Muslims and Christians. They will forever be hostile to each other.